Relationships can suck. I mean, if you have a good one …yay for you. But the rest of us often find ourselves wondering why in the hell we always surround ourselves with 31 different flavors of crazy. These (former) husbands share their stories of when they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives…as freaking far away from these women as possible.
1. Now you want permission?
“She let me know she was pregnant and wanted my permission to tell all her girlfriends during a girls’ night out.
Since I knew there was no possible way it was my child, she was also unknowingly admitting to having an affair. I can do math and deduce, and she clearly couldn’t. It was with her boss.
Lawyered up the next day, and he ate her alive in court. I got primary custody of our child we already had, and child support, and a sheriff’s notice that she had to vacate my home in 30 days.
I never knew she could be that dumb.”
2. OMG, that poor child
“I always refused to raise my voice during arguments, which usually made her crazier and scream louder. After one such argument, during which our 3-year-old daughter was playing upstairs, she started coming down at the same time her mother was storming up the stairs like a child of comparable age. Our daughter was in the way and her mother got in her face and screamed, ‘GOD, I FREAKING HATE YOU, MOVE!’
Of course, my daughter came to me, hurt. That was the moment I decided it was over.”
3. Turkey in the Can
“We were already not speaking. It was Thanksgiving. I knew she wasn’t going to bother, but I made a turkey and whatever goes with turkey for my then 8-year-old daughter. I had the turkey out on the counter to rest after roasting.
My beloved bride walked in, calmly threw the turkey in the kitchen trash can, and walked out.
I had to take my kid to freaking Golden Corral for Thanksgiving. That was it. I was done.”
4. What a Moment
“When, after being in Afghanistan for 8 months (May ’02-Nov ’02), she was missing, but had my car, I found two random women, with kids and pets, living in the apartment I paid for, the electricity cut off, had no money in my bank account, a pay advance authorized by my commander, and a friend telling me to go easy on her because she was 5 months pregnant with HIS kid.
OH! And he had had heart surgery to remove some kind of cysts from his heart just before I left. He was 23, had a pacemaker, and basically half a heart. If I scared him, he could die.
I’d say that was the moment.”
5. Pure Bliss
“Besides the narcissism, random violence and violent outbursts, it was her strange punishments. Her last one doomed her. My crime? I forgot milk on the way home from work so she didn’t talk to me, not one word, for a week. PURE BLISS, for a week. When she asked if I was ready to apologize, I handed her the divorce papers.
‘Why?’
‘Because you rob me of solitude, but provide me with no companionship.'”
6. Abusive
“I endured a physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive relationship for over six years with my first wife, four of which we were married. There were many, many instances that should have caused our marriage’s demise.
The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back, though, was eight days after I had major oral surgery. Due to a freak medical occurrence, I had to have 28 teeth cut out and two holes drilled into my sinus cavities from top of the back of my gums.
She and I were in a grocery store parking lot, and I asked her not to start an argument in the store because it’s a small town and I was so tired of being ‘those people.’ Her reaction was to backhand me in the mouth. Six times.
Or at least, I counted six times because I’m pretty darn sure I lost consciousness. I just remember waking up when we were pulling into our driveway while she was freaking out because my face was against the window and blood was coming from my mouth like a fountain.”
7. Christmas Gifts
“Not me, but one of my best friends. He got a pretty substantial year end bonus from work. He decided to use most of it for his wife’s Christmas gift and pay off her remaining student loans (~$14,700).
Christmas morning (he was nice enough to let me stay at his place when I traveled for work, as he lived 20 minutes from the airport) we all woke up and had breakfast. His family and her parents came over and we started exchanging gifts.
Besides paying off her loans, he had gotten her a few times items. She opened the card saying her loans were paid off she just sat there for a minute. After the silence, and assuming she was kinda in shock, she asked, ‘Did you seriously not get me anything else? I bought you that stupid keyboard (the wrong one, btw) and you only got me a few things?’
At that point, his brother-in-law and myself decided to go hang out in another room for a while they ended up getting into a huge fight. A day later, when he was dropping me off at the airport, he told me that he was going to visit a lawyer and get a divorce.”
8. Beard
“She woke me up in the middle of the night to grab the extra blanket off the bed. I expected to find her disgruntled on the couch alone the next morning. I found her in the guest bed with another woman- both naked. No forewarnings or clue-ins. Just despondent betrayal.
I woke her for answers and got a whole lot of mumbles. Decided to split for ‘space.’
That weekend, we both ended up at the same bar on the same dance floor. I thought she’d followed me there to make amends. She’d brought the same girl and completely ignored me when I called out to her. When I walked up to her, she pretended I was a stranger…I told her I’m not going to play any games and didn’t know what was going on. She said she didn’t want to be married. I gave her the ring back and went to tell my friends goodbye that night. I didn’t want to tell them why, I felt so embarrassed.
She saw me talking to my friends and decided to make out in front of us with her new woman directly on the dance floor eight feet away from where I stood while everyone stared.
Looking back now, I realize she probably was scared to come out. I can give her credit for that. But she was an awful person for the way she did it and for never having the courage to say to my face whatever she was feeling. I thought we were best friends. I thought we were going to be together forever… She asked me to marry her.
Now I’m just grateful for not being with a liar and a coward. I’ve made a fresh start. Sold everything. Traded my entire wardrobe and style to feel like I’m in a new life. Sure, I’ve lost more money than I ever thought imaginable. And the dog… I just keep optimistic that I’ll find someone who deserves my time. I don’t focus on the past and I have faith in God and the future.
Whoever I marry next will be grateful for a man like me and loyal. But until then I’m gonna enjoy the single life again and just play.”
9. A town
“We met and spent the first seven years of our married life on the West Coast, then moved East. Five years later, I took a job back on the West Coast, but it was the middle of the school year, so I went out ahead and lived on my own until everyone could join me.
Things hadn’t been very good between us for a while, but I hadn’t articulated it to her—or even myself—beyond vague feelings of dissatisfaction.
One weekend, out there on my own, I decided to take a day and drive to one of my favorite towns, a town in which I had lived long before I knew her, a town we had visited often while married. It was late afternoon and I was about to head back to my hotel when I realized that I could visit a particular beach that had special meaning to me from my earlier life there.
I stopped at a convenience store, grabbed a Grolsch like I used to drink on that beach, and drove out there. Hiked out to a specific spot I remembered, sat down, popped the beer, and looked out over the ocean. And it hit me that I hadn’t done that in over 20 years. Whenever we’d visit the area, I’d suggest stopping at the beach, but she wasn’t interested and would always veto the idea.
I’m sure reading this it seems like the tiniest thing, but it was the catalyst for me, realizing just how completely dissatisfied I was with our relationship. I think from the time I sat down, I knew it was over within maybe 10 minutes. Just sitting there, sipping my beer, looking at the ocean.”
10. “Free to live her life”
“My wife was around less and less…had to be free to live her life, go out with her friends. More often than not, she would call me to pick our daughter up from daycare, even though she’d promised to pick her up and have some girl time…’Just tell her I’m working late or not feeling well.’
She always had something better to do and the kids were old enough to know better. I went to pick our daughter up one day. When they called her name, she came running over until she saw it wasn’t mom, again. Her shoulders drop and she slowly walked over to ask, ‘What’s her excuse this time?’ That was the breaking point. Told her to get out and even helped pay her security deposit to get her out.”
11. That’s a lot of begging and forgiving
“15 years in, and I find texts on her phone. Completely blindsided I had no clue she had it in her to cheat. She told me it was just texting and begged for forgiveness. I caved. A month later, checked the phone bill to find that it never stopped. Confronted her again and cue more begging and more denial on my part. I couldn’t fathom that she would let the life we had built go down in flames. This went on for a few months. So many promises. One night, I caught her on the phone when she thought I had left.
She said it was just a friend she could talk to and she had let things go too far, promised to break all contact, swore it was never physical. Then I found emails. She detailed things that made me sick to read, but also included descriptions of his house. She broke finally, but swore it was all just in the line of duty. That’s how they’d met, you see. Visiting nurse service, and this guy was a client. Promised she was done. She loved me… right? No chance she was going to let 15 years go like that. I wasn’t buying it anymore, though.
She announced she was going out one night with a work friend. Promised they were only going to the bar, then she’d be home. Maybe late, but not too late. She had taken over her own phone account by then but wasn’t bright enough to understand that Google Latitude still showed me where she was, and I wasn’t about to show my hand. She kissed me goodbye, bee-lined right for his house, and was there until the wee hours of the morning.
Once I knew where she had headed, I called her dad and my best friend to keep me from doing anything dumb. I will love them both forever for keeping me calm while my world went freaking insane all around me. My father-in-law offered to stay with the kids and wait for her to get home. Around 3 am, while I was couch surfing at my buddy’s place, she sent me a nasty text, asking where the heck I was. I texted her a screenshot of her little GPS dot at her boyfriend’s and let her know I’d be sending her some paperwork soon.”
12. KITTY NOOO
“I left for work at 6 am and forgot to unplug the toaster. When I arrived home at 6 pm, I was given the ‘everything you’ve ever done to piss me off’ speech just for leaving the toaster plugged in. I asked her what she did all day that prevented her from unplugging it herself. Another ‘You’re an insensitive jerk’ speech. I said something to the effect of quit acting like your freaking mother. She threw the cat at me. A cat. She threw a freaking cat at me.”
13. “I could do no right”
“When she physically attacked me in front of our 11-year-old son. I’d been pondering the idea for a while, but that was the clincher. I’m not ashamed. She’s just wrong for how she acted.
It had been years of verbal/emotional abuse, threatened violence, cursing, most of it in front of the kid. I wouldn’t engage and would shut down for 2-3 days. Why speak when literally everything I said was going to result in that? She would accuse me of being abusive during those shut-downs. Maybe so. But it was my only defense mechanism.
This was usually because I was an ‘incompetent’ dad. Which I wasn’t. But I had expectations and she coddled him. He knew she’d come charging to his rescue if he waited long enough. Basically, I could do no right. Friends stopped coming over because they were tired of watching it. Her brother and his family were encouraging me to get the heck out.
I was 5’10” and about 220 pounds at the time. She’s 4’11” and about the same weight. She’d shake her fist in my face and threaten to ‘knock [my] teeth down [my] throat.’ So I’d have her in my face, threatening bodily harm, and I’ve been training martial arts for years. TKD, hapkido, BJJ. Multiple black belts. There’s no way I’m raising a hand against her.
So when she attacked me, well, I’ve had much worse in training. It was that moment she did it all. So I threw her out.
Of course, I got reamed in the divorce. Bad.”
14. Sharing is caring
“My son picked out the perfect Christmas present for her. Adult coloring books in all her favorite themes. He obsessed for hours on the right ones to get her. He loved to color and she would only do things with him that she liked doing, which included coloring. After we opened presents, she asked what he wanted to do. It was the few hours of a weekend when he got to actually spend time with her. He was behind excited. He said he wanted to color with her. Got super excited when she said yes. So they went and started getting things out and she said, ‘Go get your coloring books.’
He said, ‘I want to work on a picture together in your book.’
She said, ‘No, that is mine. Get yours.’ My son burst into tears. Biggest tears I had ever seen. He lost it.
And she didn’t change her mind. and still wouldn’t let her 6-year-old touch her coloring book. I was done.”
15. Happily alive, too
“During the last year and a half of our marriage, she became extremely psychologically abusive. She was a narcissist, controlled my every move, would isolate me, refused physical contact. I was just an extension to her life, and as such, was not allowed to talk to any female, was not allowed to hang out with any friends or she would ignore me for up to 5 days at a time, double standards everywhere, verbal abuse. The list can continue, but it hurts to think about. The last straw for me was when she threatened to kill me because I came home from work late, even though she knew I would be home late. It was just a little too late for her. This was the second time this happened and I talked with several people at work about it and they suggested that I leave. I had texts of the threats on my phone and contacted a lawyer that same week. She agreed to sign since I told her I would take severe legal action if she didn’t. Thankfully, no children. I’m happily divorced.
16. Lying on Air
“My wife at the time told me that she had called a local radio station, which often discusses hardships that military families go through, and sometimes gives away $1,000 to a family in need of help. She said that she informed the radio station of my deployment and how I didn’t come back the same, and she told them about our daughter (2 months premature and only 8 months old at the time) who had numerous health problems. My wife explained to me that the radio station hadn’t given away the $1,000 in quite a few weeks, so they were going to give us $10,000 for her telling such a heartfelt story. She called me while I was at work to tell me what had happened and I was really excited…asked my SNCOIC to help me draw up a savings plan and figure out which debts should be paid off first, etc. Things were looking up.
I got home that night and rather than being greeted with an enthusiastic hug, she pointed to the loft and mouthed, ‘Not now, I’m on the phone.’ So I went upstairs and waited for her to finish. While I was waiting, I could hear her saying things like, ‘Yeah I can get those papers to you,’ and, ‘No problem, I can have that ready by tomorrow.’ Hmm. Maybe they need identification and proof of my deployment or something, whatever.
Fast forward to later that night and, like usual, I was having trouble sleeping. I decided to get on the computer and listen to the podcast from the radio show. After a few searches, I found it and started listening to it. This is where my blood started to boil. She told the DJs that she was a single lady living on her own. Her sister had married a Marine and they had a child named Marie (our daughter’s middle name). She went on to say that Marie was now in her custody after the Marine husband (me, sort of) was killed in Afghanistan and the mother (her IRL single sister with no kids, Jacqui) was killed in a car wreck and Marie was now my wife’s responsibility.
Hundreds of people called in and offered to help, many of which owned business and wanted to offer things like baby supplies or completely furnishing a nursery for her. Literally thousands of people had heard this bullcrap, fabricated story, including some of my coworkers.
She had been on the phone with the radio station earlier and they had asked her to provide death certificates and a birth certificate for Marie, which is why I had to leave.”
17. Not on my Team
“She had lost her job, again, after quitting a decent one because she didn’t get along with her boss. Anyways, a few months go by and I’m doing everything. Cooking, laundry, dishes, yard work, etc. I’d ask the kids what does mom do all day and they said she plays on the computer all day. So the final straw came when I came home from work and had to wash dishes so I could make dinner. Dinner was made, so I tell my family it’s ready. She comes to get a plate and serves herself first instead of our youngest child, who was four at the time and couldn’t serve himself. As I watched this unfold, it dawned on me: If I’m going to do all the work, I might as well do it by myself or find a partner to share the load with, because she clearly didn’t want to be on my team.”
18. Jealousy
“When my stepdaughter became a teenager, my ex ramped up the intense parenting methods. She had always been an impatient, angry screamer of a parent. But as my stepdaughter became a young woman, my ex just went crazy with envy or something. I know lots of moms have a hard time with teenage daughters, but their base level of patience is so much better than my ex’s was. Threats of cutting hair in middle of night while daughter slept, pulling hair, slapping face, ridiculing in front of her friends, swinging something that missed and put a hole in the wall – I was out of there, and with the kids too.”
19. Selfie
“I was working on a mother-daughter scrapbook as a Christmas present for her. Was going through her Google photos account looking for pics of them together. Came across a selfie she took with some dude laying on her. Confirmed her second affair. Tried to forgive her and make it work for our daughter’s sake after the first affair. Thought she had changed. What a fool I was. Knew it was over the moment I saw it. That screwed me up pretty good.”
20. Basketball cat
“Me and my ex were always having ups and downs. Cutting up my clothes when I was out with friends, cutting my hair when I was asleep, random violence and screaming fits…the usual…We did the normal things couples were supposed to do and it seemed to prolong the episode for a time.
We bought a house for example. Well, after we had the house the next thing we needed was a cat. She loved it very much when it was a kitten, but as it grew up, it became more independent (it’s a cat duh!) and she couldn’t take this and became aggressive towards it.
I remember walking in one day and she picked up the cat and threw it up in the air, it bounced off of the ceiling. I threw her out of the house, sending her rear off the curb. I still have the cat to this day.”
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