Ever been to a bachelor or bachelorette party that wasn’t crazy as all get out?
We have a name for that: “Lame.”
But there are fates worse than lame, like jail, paralysis and/or death.
And that’s pretty much what we’re looking at with these 22 entries from AskReddit.
1. Boas and Glitter
I tended bar for years and saw more stupid bachelorette parties than I care to remember. Most were pretty standard with cock shaped straws and boas and glitter.
Some though…some were just [messed] up. Nothing speaks to the sanctimony of an impending marriage like the bride-to-be getting [it] in the bathroom by two guys she just met.
2. “Derpina holds the key!”
My track coach was running his friend’s bachelor party. They went from bar to bar, and the friend, Derp, would carry around a bowling ball with the name of his fiancee, Derpina, on it. At the end of the night, they ended up at the home of his dad, the chief of police. They stripped him naked and handcuffed him to the tree in the front yard. Then they placed the key in an envelope and put it in the fiancee’s mailbox. In the morning the dad called all in a huff and said, “Coach, this isn’t funny!” All my coach would say was “Derpina holds the key!” and then hang up.
3. More Handcuffs…
My dad’s bachelor party. His “friends” handcuffed him with his hands behind is back and took him out in a rowboat.
They threw him overboard. They rowed away.
He got his hands in front of him, swam back to shore, and never talked to them again.
4. Fake Beard
Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0
The groom is dressed up, fake beard and stuff. Have fun, activities and alcohol. At the evening, go for a sauna. He realizes all the dudes are missing pubes – and he has had a very realistic fake beard.
5. Ball and Chain
For one of my dad’s coworkers wedding the guys rigged up a 16lb bowling ball hooked to a chain with one side of a prison ankle cuff on it. The night before the wedding they all proceeded to get hammered and after the groom passed out they clamped the ankle cuff on him and and changed all of the clocks in his hotel room to a couple hours ahead.
The next morning they barged in his room screaming “Get up! We’re late! Dude your gonna be late to your wedding!” The groom snaps awake, looks at the clock, freaks out and tries to run to get ready. He makes it about one step before the chain on the ball catches him and he faceplants. He’s still hungover so he just tries to get up and run again but [falls] again. He now realizes what he has chained to his leg and he starts screaming “What! What!” At this point all of the groomsmen had lost it and were crying with laughter. It took them a while to calm him down and explain that they had changed the clocks and he still had half the day before the wedding.
They still left him chained to the bowling ball for a couple hours just for good measure.
6. Boring…
The groom-to-be had a small party (like him and 6-7 friends) at a hotel. No [exotic dancers], but plenty of booze, video games, and food. Someone complained the party was [boring] and there should be [exotic dancers] involved. The groom loved his bride-to-be and forbid [exotic dancers], but he said he had some awesome drugs that he was saving.
The guy that complained about the party being boring was the bride’s younger brother that the groom invited purely to make his bride happy. The groom and everyone else at the party didn’t like him, and the drugs everyone was taking was actually just some type of herb that didn’t do anything. Everyone knew this except the bride’s brother.
They all played along and pretended they were [messed] up, claiming to see [crap] that wasn’t there and just in general act like idiots. The bride’s brother kept saying he didn’t feel anything, but after a while he did. He started running around the hotel, screaming, saying very rude things about everyone at the party, peed on the hotel bed, went out on the balcony naked and started screaming…just generally acting like a total idiot.
All the while the groom and his friends started recording it on their phones and laughing at his stupidity. After a while they told him it was just a herb and he was acting like an idiot on his own. My friend said that he just kept acting stupid and before he “came down” he [pooped] all over the bathroom sink and mirrors.
7. Saved by the Prank
My best friend’s grandpa celebrated his stag party just like we would have. The night before the wedding his friends picked him up and got him absolutely smashed. They somehow convinced him to get naked and when they were in the middle of nowhere stopped to let him take a piss. When he exited the car, the guys locked the door and sped off in a hurry, leaving him, stranded and naked on the middle of a highway 80 miles from town. He decided to hitchhike and the first person to come by was actually kind enough to stop and lend a helping hand to a naked stranger.
About one mile down the road from where he was ditched, they came around a corner and discovered that the best friends had flipped their car in the ditch. They all sat on the side of the road by their totalled car when he passed them. He rolled down the window and gave them a good old wave, with his junk… as they passed. Now theres a legendary time.
8. Paralyzed
A woman was at her bachelorette party, and she and her friends decided to go swimming. Her best friend jokingly pushed her into the pool. The bride-to-be hit her head, broke her neck, and was paralyzed from the neck down.
9. Flight-y
My uncles 70’s story: a buddy of my uncle was getting married the next day so they went out for 5c beers somewhere. The guy gets hammered drunk, and they buy him a one way plane ticket to Wichita Kansas from St. Louis. They take his wallet and leave him with $5 in change for phone calls.
Remember, [these] are days before ATM, Electronic Credit Cards, and cell phones. If you used a credit card they had to have the carbon, and you just couldn’t get a ticket home over the phone. So this guy wakes up the next day in Kansas. Wedding is off. Bride is furious. Bride’s father puts out a hit on the best man.
Good times.
10. Tears in the Club
Well, I used to work in a strip club and one night a bachelor party came in, only for some reason the girlfriends were with them. I guess maybe so they could keep an eye on things or whatever. Anyway the night entailed entirely of the bachelor being brought up on stage while ALL of the dancers rubbed their [breasts] in his face while his fiancee sat in the back and cried with her friends.
11. Tattoos
They took the bachelor out and had a good night out, pretty tame, I don’t even think they hit a strip club. At the end of the night they got some sharpies and gave the guy a bunch of biker “tattoos” on his arm, wrapped them up in bandages and sent him home to his fiance.
He came in, stumbled into bed and acted way more drunk than he was. She notices the bandages, peeks under them and starts to freak out. It was all in good fun, but they were glad they didn’t go with the original idea of making the “tattoo” be his ex-girlfriend’s name.
12. Dad’s Discovery
I have been told this story of my dad’s bachelor party by several of his old friends. As is customary, they got him a [exotic dancer]. Who was a man in drag. My dad found this out when taking “her” underwear off with his teeth.
13. I’m Blue
Photo Credit: Galeria de Léo Pinheiro – Picasa
My dad and his friends got the groom drunk a the bachelor party, and dyed his skin blue with permanent markers. They were kind enough to make sure to keep it in areas covered by his tuxedo so the wedding photos wouldn’t be ruined.
Then on the wedding day, (in February) one of them went back to the suite the bride and groom would be staying in and opened the window to the bathroom. Hours later, when the newlyweds arrived, the water in the toilet bowl was solid ice.
So yeah, blue husband and no place to poop. Must have been a great wedding night for the bride.
14. Face Plant!
My husband made it all the way through his bachelor party/night on the town with no major incidents. When his friends take him home, he starts walking up the sidewalk and his idiot friend decides to jump on his back. Being drunk, my husband faceplanted on the side walk and broke his nose and chipped his front tooth pretty badly. I opened the front door to see his friends holding him up, apologizing and looking embarrassed, with blood running all down his face. This was two days before the wedding. Every wedding picture of him shows a busted and fat lip, chipped tooth, broken nose, and scrapes on his face. It’s kind of a funny story now, but at the time…not so much.
15. Indecent
We took inspiration for my friend’s stag do from many a film/tv programme. We went to Benidorm in Spain for the party and after getting him blind drunk we handcuffed and tied him to a lamp post. Safe to say the whole “He’ll be there in the morning and we’ll laugh at him” thing didn’t work. We went back to find that he’d gone and had been arrested a couple of hours after we tied him up. We didn’t consider being naked in a street is indecent exposure. Luckily he was released the next day and there was a fine.
16. Frozen
Some guys had a tradition of driving out into the woods to get drunk and tape the groom naked upside down to a tree.
It was October, in Canada. The friends passed out, and the groom dies upside down naked.
17. At least he didn’t die?
A friend of mine was due to go to a stag but couldn’t make it. He found out after that the stag’s dumb little buddies had stripped him naked, handcuffed him to a lamp post and left him there. The guy was in counselling for a LONG time.
18. DUI/DOA
Photo Credit: Pixabay/CC0
A guy I went to college with told me he and a group of friends got completely [drunk] the night before a wedding and the groom was killed driving home drunk.
19. The buck stopped there.
Here in Australia: A guy was having his bucks night (as we call them here). His mates drunkenly decided it would be a good idea to tie him to the top of a car and put the car through a car wash. Not only did he drown, but his body was torn to shreds by the brushes.
20. Black Ball
At a friend’s stag party. Everyone is good and drunk. The groom worked for ministry of natural resources in northern Ontario fighting forest fires. A bunch of his colleagues decide to black ball him. Black balling for those who don’t know involves using a substance to color the skin, usually in the genital region, black. These guys use potassium permanganate, which is used to start controlled burns in a forest. It also stains the skin dark purple. After the color was applied liberally to his [butt] and groin the guys start spraying him with booze. Potassium permanganate ignites when mixed with alcohol. 2nd and 3rd degree burns to the groin and [butt]. It was a [crappy] wedding night.
21. With friends like these…
My best friend’s husband’s bachelor party went rather awry. I dance at a local strip club and scored them free door fee and some drinks when they got there, but first they were going downtown to a sports bar. Well, I’m waiting for them to show, and they never do. It’s late in the evening and we close in an hour, but the guys never show. I haven’t heard from them either. I figured they got sloshed and just camped at the sports bar.
A while later I get a call from my friend. She’s got that terse tone in her voice, like she’s afraid but holding it together. I ask what’s up.
Turns out his friends landed him in the hospital. They started out with tequila shots, then moved on to 151. After he gets good and drunk, the bachelor decides to slow down and requests a virgin drink. His [jerk] friends spike his cokes with more 151 until he’s sick, and then do it again while telling him that it was just coke this time.
He is passed out drunk so they carry him to the car. They realize his breathing is shallow and freak. Instead of taking him straight to the hospital, they take him home. His fiancée walks out to see his friend’s trying to drag him out of the car, only to literally drop him on his head. She freaks and demands they take him to the hospital. They do, and he’s got awful alcohol poisoning. He’s not responding to any and all stimuli.
The hospital puts him through the gauntlet, and he turns out okay. His friends feel awful about it, and throw him a tamer bachelor party to make up for it.
22. Never mess with another man’s beard.
A good friend of mines father had a very interested bucks night.
The buck is a real long term beard wearer. To this day after maybe over 30 years of marriage and two kids, no one, not his wife or kids has seen his chin or jaw! Ever! The best man tried to remedy this on the bucks night by getting the buck really drunk and shaving off his beard! Turns out they didn’t get him quite drunk enough. And when they went perform said shaving Buck didn’t take kindly to the prank and gave the best man the beating of his life. Buck got married with beard still intact. Best man missed the wedding as he was still in hospital!
Seriously, these things can really turn into the worst night of your life. I ended up in jail after mine, (Another time, friends. Another time…), and after reading through the above, I feel like I got out better than I could have.
Be safe out there.
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