I’ve never had to fire anyone before, but I can only imagine it’s both heartbreaking and satisfying at the same time. However, these 18 stories show there can be a lot of humor in it as well.
1. “Special” Cookies
“A friend of mine is a firefighter and his colleague got fired for making ‘special’ cookies and feeding them to his workmates on shift, without telling them about the extra ingredient he’d added. They actually had to attend a house fire that night and were super paranoid that they hadn’t put it out properly. Lots of water was wasted that evening.”
2. That’s one way to do it…
“One of the lifeguards was really hungover so he took a crap in the pool so we didn’t have to open up for the day.”
3. Hasta la vista idiot
“My mom once had to fire this one guy. He kept making sexual comments about a coworker. He was given warnings. So, he switched to doing it in Spanish. The girl was from Mexico, she spoke Spanish. He got fired.”
4. Should have known
“I had to fire someone for stealing someone’s lunch from the break room. It was a security firm, and he was a security tech. EVERYTHING WAS UNDER CAMERA except the bathrooms. I fired him because he should have known that, not because he stole someone’s lunch.”
5. Shots fired
“Our group had a mini team outing at a bowling place on a Thursday afternoon. I organized it because I was the manager. We bowled and afterward had a few beers. One guy decided to have beers and shots. Everyone there had to be at work the next day at 7 am. I told my employee to take it easy, but he just kept taking shots. I left and went home to sleep. I got to work the next day at 6:45 AM. At 8:30, guess who called in sick? Yep. Fired.”
6. Santa?!
“I used to manage a hotel. You would not believe the number of female employees I had to constantly remind it was against company policy to fool around with the guests. One woman (she was about 20-years-old), who I had to remind this of several times, was caught mid act doing the horizontal hokey-pokey with a guy who was about 65 and looked like Santa Claus. After she was fired, one of her coworkers told me that this woman had a thing for Santa Claus and thought she’d never get the opportunity to act on it, so it was worth possibly getting caught and fired. Girl was pretty decent looking, too.”
7. Foul smell
“We had a lady that smelled like BO working front line hospitality. She was asked repeatedly to wear deodorant and wash he clothes. We let her go and she went us for unfair dismissal. I can no longer say I haven’t signed a star dec claiming someone smelled so bad I wouldn’t work with her.”
8. That’s dedication
“This guy always tried to hide at work to avoid working. One day, I was looking for him and I stepped into the bathroom. I noticed a shoe print on the back of the toilet, and when I looked up, I saw one of the ceiling tiles was pushed a little to the side. I climbed up there, and this sucker was hiding in the ceiling.”
9. Yeah, you can’t catch that one…
“A friend of mine woke up on the floor of an apartment, hungover as all get out, too hungover to work. He called into work, told the manager he was too sick to come in. Manager innocently asked, ‘What are you sick with?’ Friend responded, ‘Cerebral palsy.’ Yeah, he got fired.”
10. I’m guessing the friendship ended
“I managed a small retail company in the mall and my assistant manager was my best friend. I was leaving on a Saturday afternoon and told him to train the new guy for the rest of the night. He then asked if he could leave early and watch his college team play. I promptly said no, because the new guy could not close by himself. I went home and someone from another store called me and told me that my best friend had mentioned that he was going to leave early. I drove back up to the mall and waited out by the back door. When he walked out to leave, I just held my hand out and said, ‘Give me your keys.'”
11. For lack of a better word
“I managed a retail store and had to coach a salesman to stop referring to black women as ‘Weezy.’ After a long sit down talk and him signing a formal write-up, we made a little small talk to lighten the mood, and I asked him to go back out on the floor and help the lady waiting at the sales counter. He turned and looked then said, ‘It’s okay, it’s just a [n-word].’ I fired him on the spot and escorted him out the back door. About a month later, I had to attend an unemployment hearing when the guy actually had the guts to file a claim. He even brought his parents with him.”
12. You deserve to lose your job
“IT guy caught this guy surfing some pretty unsavory websites at work. The IT guy warned him that it was against the rules and if the boss found out, they would fire him, stop doing that at work, etc. Basically, IT guy was doing him a solid by warning him that it was monitored and in the logs. So this idiot went to the boss and complained about the IT guy telling him not to watch those sorts of videos at work.”
13. Jokes on you
“My dad had to fire someone because, at the height of the anthrax scare, they decided it would be hilarious to sprinkle flour all over the coffee machine.”
14. Snap!
“a PC technician was being pestered with questions from a customer about sales stuff. he lost it and while looking the customer square in the face (the employee had his eyes closed however) said: “GET AWAY FROM ME OR ILL EAT YOUR FACE”. it took half the day to get over the laughter and WTF of the situation before we could even begin on paperwork.”
15. Accomplice
“We had a guy get fired for peeing in a drain in a fresh produce storage area, and then two other guys got fired for breaking the hidden camera used to catch the guy peeing in the drain.”
16. That man deserves a promotion
“He was driving a forklift while dressed in a suit of armor – made from cardboard boxes.”
17. Maybe he had a death wish?
“He was jumping up and down on a clog in the trash compactor. Which is not only incredibly dangerous but just plain stupid, especially since you couldn’t see him from where the start button was. He could have been crushed to death at any time without anyone knowing it. It was one of the few offenses you could be immediately fired for.”
18. Must have missed something in the interview process
“I had to fire a brand new employee on his second day on the job for backing out the maintenance truck. He neglected to close the wide open passenger door and it got caught on the concrete security pillars. It bent back the door past 90 degrees out. Then the idiot attempted to drive forward as if nothing happened like he bumped into a curb. Several of our employees had to flag him down half way down the parking lot because he wouldn’t stop. ‘Oh, my bad,’ was all he said. We started mandatory drug tests for all new employees after that.”
I know you’re not done yet.
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