It’s always nice to discover a new person or organization or business on Twitter or Instagram that makes you laugh and comes up with cool content.
And that’s exactly the way I felt when I discovered the Twitter account of a guy named Jon who provides his almost 65,000 followers with funny thoughts and observations about all kinds of stuff.
Hey, we like it funny and we like it random, so he’s right up our alley!
Let’s take a look at what this Jon fella has to say…
1. Well, you just killed the mood.
Way to go, dude!
Her: talk dirty to me
Me: I'm not good at it
Her: just do it!
Me: err…I've been bad
Her: oh yeahhh…how bad?
Me: I kicked a goose
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 29, 2021
2. Duck jokes never get old.
You know you love them!
STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking
ME: Yeah, he's interbred
DUCK: [waddles up] I'll tell you who else is into bread
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) May 5, 2015
3. Just slow down, Netflix!
They are just so impatient…
Netflix: Should I play this movie?
Me: No no I'm just looking at it for a second
Netflix: I'll put it on
Me: I'm just literally reading what it is
Netflix: It's playing 🙂
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 28, 2019
4. You’re stuck with the monster, kid.
Sorry, it’s just the way it is…
Son: Daddy, there's a monster under my bed
Me *ruffles his hair* why do you think I chose the other room?
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 21, 2019
5. This is a classy move.
She’ll be yours forever now.
*takes bite of Pringle* yes *nods at date then waiter* we'll have the tube
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 12, 2021
6. God did not enjoy that joke.
And now you must pay.
God *creates a worm* hello little buddy!
Worm: Thanks for the "worm" welcome haha
God *creates birds*
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 20, 2019
7. That is an odd job.
Your job title is very accurate!
Date: so you're a handyman?
Me: no I just do odd jobs
Date: like what
Me: yesterday I taught a duck karate
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 10, 2020
8. I don’t think you will, to be honest.
But go ahead and give it a shot.
Me: I'll see you in court!
Waldo: will you
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 27, 2020
9. Hey, that’s not cool!
What did my car ever do to you?
MECHANIC [kicking the tires] There's something I need to tell you about your car
MECHANIC [punches the door] I hate it
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 26, 2017
10. Yeah, pretty much always.
Just keep it coming!
Waiter: Do you want cheese?
Waiter: Say when
Me: All the time
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 18, 2019
11. He’s exactly the same.
I was hoping he wouldn’t do this anymore!
Doctor: When he wakes from this coma he'll either be the same or have brain damage
Me *opening eyes* male sheep should be called heep
Doctor: oh no
Wife: oh shit he's the same
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 25, 2021
12. That’s what you needed to hear.
Thank you for your honesty!
Me: I dislike myself
Tharapist: that's perfectly common
Therapist: yes, for example I don't like you
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) January 15, 2021
Do you know of some other funny Twitter or Instagram accounts that we should be following?
Well, don’t keep them all to yourself! Share them with us in the comments!
Please and thank you!