There are two ways people usually answer the question of “what do you do for a living?”
They either go on and on about a very boring job, or they downplay a job that’s really important and unique.
But we’re about to see some folks have a good time with their job descriptions! A Twitter user asked people to describe their jobs, no matter what they are, as poorly as possible.
Poorly explain what you do for a living.
— Jeremy Padawer (@JeremyCom) October 17, 2020
Here’s what people had to say.
1. Poke ’em!
Good work!
Strangers call me, I load them in a truck, poke them w/needles, hook them up to wires/tubes, sometimes push drugs or briefly electrocute them until we reach our destination – which is a large warehouse w/other broken people & fluorescent lights. They thank me for my service.
— Shea (Trying to Survive Post-CoVID Recovery) (@Run_Fox_Run) October 18, 2020
2. I really hope you work for Orkin.
Or a similar company…
I bust through your front door and spray all your things down with water. You usually thank me afterward.
— LyleTheAligator (@PsstCaptain) October 18, 2020
3. What did you learn?
Gotta be an English teacher.
demand young adults read books by (mostly) dead people and expect them to learn life lessons from it
— Maureen Moore (@HopesMom12) October 18, 2020
4. Exiting larger humans.
That’s one way of putting it.
I watch tiny humans exit larger humans, and if they need, I keep them for a while while I put tubes and needles in them until they don’t die. Then I give them back to the bigger humans to take them to their human place to help them get big.
— Nana D (@dibiethennp) October 18, 2020
5. Could be a lot of things…
Any thoughts on this one?
I tell computers to do things. Sometimes they listen.
— Comfortably Numb (@YGalanter) October 18, 2020
6. Those dogs are workin’ hard!
And we thank them for it!
I ask excitable woof dogs to go and find good and bad people, whilst I chauffeur them around the country, breaking speed limits almost everywhere I go.
I also ask them to go and find illegal drugs and bang sticks. Sometimes they listen, but not always.
— աօʀɖ օʄ ɖօɢ ??????? ?? (@ThewordofDog1) October 18, 2020
7. Wow! Sounds cool.
And kind of spooky.
I take bones that are arranged in a way that I find not pleasing and then I line them up in a way that I like. Then I screw in some metal.
— Travis Hanson, MD (@footankle) October 17, 2020
8. Yes, you do.
That would be very interesting.
I get paid to be someone else
— ✌?rosanna arquette (@RoArquette) October 18, 2020
9. I really wish more people listened to you.
Get it together, folks!
I try to convince people not to catch deadly diseases, which for some reason takes a LOT of convincing.
— Cliff Jerrison (@pervocracy) October 18, 2020
10. Shouting from the darkness.
How cool!
I make up a show from things you shout at me from the darkness.
— Colin Mochrie (@colinmochrie) October 20, 2020
11. Blowing through tubes.
A not-so-great way of saying you make music.
I blow through tubes to make the air wiggle with other people who do it with tubes and not with tubes. On the side, I read lots of words about wiggly air to help me write lots of words about wiggly air, but no one else who makes the air wiggle cares.
— Tim Clarkson (@TClarksonMusic) October 18, 2020
How about you?
What do you do for a living? Explain it to us very POORLY in the comments, please.
We need a good laugh and we’re counting on you! Thanks a lot!