Parents, parents, parents. They put up a strong front, but they have a tough job. Long days, screaming kids, and a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.
But let’s take a little time to laugh, shall we? We shall.
Moms and dad: do these tweets look familiar to you?
1. It’s gone. Forever.
Non parent: my house is kind of messy. I need to sort my mail.
Parent: Last night we lost a chair
— dadpression (@Dadpression) August 26, 2016
2. What does that mean?
Non-parent: So what do you like to do in you spare time.
Me: Spare time?
— C No Pants (@herprettybones) June 24, 2019
3. An everyday occurrence.
Non-parent: There's poop on my hand??!! I can't wash it enough! Should I bleach it? Should I boil it?? Aaarrrggghhh!
Parent: There's poop on my hand? Yup. Normal Thursday.
— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) September 6, 2018
4. All the parents are on the same side.
*sees a mother unloading on her son in the middle of Target*
Non-parent: Wow, poor kid. Someone had better call child services, that's terrible parenting.
Parent: *grabs popcorn* YASSSSS! FUCK HIM UP, MOM!
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 23, 2018
5. It’s a horror show.
There is no adequate way to describe to a non parent the fear that overwhelms me when feeding my 1yo QUARTERED grapes 🍇.
— Jacki (@jaxwax04) July 18, 2019
6. Big time score!
A non-parent: A spur of moment weekend in Vegas? I'm in!
A parent: Jackpot! The kid's not gonna finish his cupcake!
— The Personification of Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) August 21, 2016
7. I need a little “me” time.
Non-Parent: I don't understand why you complain about spending time with your kids. You wanted them. *eyeroll*
Parent: I love my friends too, that doesn't mean I want to see them while I'm on the toilet.
— Liana Brooks (@LianaBrooks) January 30, 2019
8. Very sound science.
A dog year is equal to 7 people years just as a parent year is equal to 7 non-parent years.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 12, 2017
9. We clearly have a lot in common.
Me catching up with non parent mates.
Yeah, we’re trying to work out what school to put the boys in. There’s a lot of non co-ed schools & I’m not too keen on religious ones. How are you?
Yeah, I’m trying to work out who my favourite DC & Marvel super heroes are…
— 🅲🅰🅼 🅺🅽🅸🅶🅷🆃 (@Cam_Knight) September 22, 2018
10. The biggest lie of all time.
The biggest lie you've ever heard a non-parent tell themselves?
"I wouldn't let having kids change my lifestyle. They'll just have to fit in around me."
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) April 13, 2019
*meeting a non-parent*
Her: Hi! I’m Kelly.
Me: Nice to meet you, I’m (screams) MOMMMMMMMMMM!
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) March 17, 2018
12. I’ll believe it when I see it.
Non-parent: Ugh I’m NEVER doing anything like THAT when I have kids!
Parents [under breath]: Oh fucking yes the fuck you are.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) June 5, 2018
13. It’s worse. Much worse.
It’s cute when a non-parent person sees a kid screaming and says, “That’s why I don’t want kids.” Lol. They have no clue
— Dianne Gallagher (@DianneGallagher) December 16, 2018
14. Mom, watch this cannonball!
First day of summer; I took the kids to the town pool.
We’ve been here for 932 “Mom, watch!”s, or in non-parent time, 8 minutes.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 26, 2019
15. Gee, thanks a lot.
A GIFT A NON PARENT GIVES….
— Adam Joseph (@6abcadamjoseph) August 11, 2019
Let’s give it up for all the moms and dads out there!
Although we like to give them a hard time, they’re doing just fine. Probably.