For years, music stars have dabbled in fashion. Diddy founded his clothing label Sean John in 1998. Madonna’s has been selling her “Material Girl” line of clothes at H&M since 2007. Jay Z has Rocawear. Rihanna has Fenty. Kanye has Yeezy Supply, even if its sales are struggling. The success of these pop icons’ forays into fashion means that the line between musician and style maven is blurrier than ever.
Or at least it was until Justin Bieber showed up. Thanks to Biebs, the line is once again sharp and clear. Just check out his brand new clothing line, “Drew House.”
How fashionable! How glamorous! How beige! If you’re like me, these clothes look less like a clothing line and more like…
-The only available clothes in a dystopic future where computers have enslaved the human race.
-What the British Empire gave their prisoners to wear when they dropped them off in Australia.
-If Reno, Nevada were clothes.
-Casual Friday at a Soviet gulag.
The name “Drew House” originates from Justin Bieber’s middle name, which is “Drew.”As it says on the website, “drew house is a place where you can be yourself. blah blah blah blahsdbksjdfhl wear like you don’t care. come chill. k. bye.” You know it’s quality when it gets bored of its own mission statement halfway through.
In February of 2018, Bieber secured trademarks for “House of Drew,” “La Maison Drew,” and just “Drew.” (So, to anyone whose name is Drew, you will now have to change your name or else pay Bieber a hefty royalty fee.)
On Christmas Day 2018, Bieber posted a picture of himself wearing a pair of Drew House slippers, which definitely don’t look like hospital slippers with a logo slapped on them, alongside with some Drew House bling, which definitely don’t look like jewelry from a vending machine with a logo slapped on it.
The Drew House collection ranges from $48 to $148, and it features everything from crewnecks and hoodies to pants and shorts. The highlight of the collection is obviously these elastic-waistband corduroy shorts with the word “Drew” splashed across the crotch.
Best of all, they only cost $138.
But what will you wear with your brand new Drew shorts? I’m glad you asked. The rest of the collection includes:
A burlap sack shaped like a hoodie
Your grandfather’s old work pants from his days at the steel mill
Your grandfather’s old work shirt from his days at the steel mill.
A hoodie that causes depression.
Long sleeve tees, perfect for house painting or mud fights.
An “Unsuccessful Steve Jobs” Halloween costume.
Obviously, everything in the Drew House online shop was sold out within hours. It’s unavoidable that one day Justin Bieber will be wealthy enough to buy the whole world and make all of us wear Drew House at all times. I hope they have enough Men’s XL shirts, my size, because the Gap ALWAYS runs out.