If you’re married, you know the drill.
You have ups and downs, highs and lows, peaks and valleys…how many more ways can I say it?
I’m trying to say that marriage is complicated…but you already know that, don’t you?
So take a gander at these funny tweets about the sacred institution that we all know…and that some of us love.
Hooray for marriage!
1. She thinks you’re already losing it.
It might be time to go get your head checked.
I talk to my wife all the time about watching stuff and she will be like “we watched that two days ago.” I can only imagine when she is staring at me she’s thinking “wow, so your 30s is when the dementia starts.”
— Sam (@mastrap84) September 23, 2021
2. That is some passive-aggressive behavior, right there.
That’s when she knows you’re really mad.
When I’m angry with my wife I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) September 20, 2021
3. That’s why you’re seeing things like that.
Put your glasses back on!
Me: Everything's so beautiful after the first rain. It's all blurry, soft edges, even those two trees look like one giant tree…
Husband: You forgot your glasses again.
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) September 20, 2021
4. Sounds like you have a keeper!
Hang on tight to this one!
My wife asked if we could just donate money to our kid’s elementary school PTA instead of messing with the fundraiser, as if I needed another reminder I married the right lady.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 20, 2021
5. You’re going to have a terrible night.
This is why you always need to have a secret stash!
MY WIFE BROUGHT HOME TOASTED MARSHMALLOW FLAVORED HARD SELTZERS INSTEAD OF BEER AM I DEAD IS THIS HELL AM I DEAD
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 17, 2021
6. Keep your voice down!
What on Earth are you doing?!?!
when you've just gotten the kids to sleep and your spouse comes crashing into the room pic.twitter.com/G3H1J0Esfd
— Lil Bit ? (@LizerReal) September 23, 2021
7. I think you’re gonna need to leave the house.
Maybe you should just come back home on Monday…
My husband decided to work from home today. My Friday is ruined.
— ?ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ? (@3sunzzz) September 17, 2021
8. She must have been in a huge hurry.
Hey, we’ve all been there…or least most of us have…
My wife just left for work in her slippers. She’ll be back.
— Kevin's 10,000 hours (@AllHandsCook) September 21, 2021
9. This could be a warning sign.
Do I know you…?
15 years of marriage and last night I scared the living daylights out of my husband by getting into bed with him, so no you never really do get used to being married
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 19, 2021
10. There is no excuse for this kind of behavior.
What is wrong with this man?
Is it grounds for divorce if you’re on a road trip and your husband refuses to stop to get snacks? Yeah, I thought so.
— Tiffany (@tiffany_pulfrey) September 17, 2021
11. And that’s why you have to be very careful, my friend.
Choose your words wisely…it’s all going into her hard drive.
My wife mentally screenshots everything I say into her memory.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) September 22, 2021
12. You better get on it!
You’re gonna be in trouble…
My wife just informed me that she has already purchased my Christmas present for this year, which reminds me, I’ve gotta figure out what I’m doing for her birthday on Wednesday.
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) September 18, 2021
Be honest with us…
Is your spouse getting on your nerves lately?
Give us the straight dope in the comments!