Relationships are hard work, no matter how long they last, and there’s no arguing that knowing when the end has arrived and dealing with it gracefully is one of the hardest parts. If you’re out there wondering whether or not you’re the clueless one in your love affair, check out how these Redditors realized the truth.

#15. They stop laughing.

“When they stop laughing at things you do that they used to love. You can see it in their face too, that they are just done, and it’s heartbreaking.”

#14. Incidental.

“When you’re physically in the same room, yet you feel as though they’re far away – that your presence is “incidental” because their thoughts and affections are elsewhere.”

#13. Physical touch.

“Lack of physical touch or affection.
Disinterest in planning to hang out together and when you do, they look forward to being apart more than being together.”

#12. When you need it.

“This may sound silly, but not picking you up when you need a ride home. Someone who loves you actively worries for your safety and will inconvenience themselves to give you a ride when you need it.

I knew my husband was in love with me when he drove a significant distance every week to see me when we were dating. I knew my best friend’s boyfriend had stopped caring for her when he let her walk home alone at night because he just couldn’t be bothered.”

#11. Off the top of my head.

“Just a few off the top of my head:

Arguing at the drop of a hat,
Snide comments,
A sudden obsession with another person,
Sudden interest in gym, perfume, appearance, new underwear, etc …
Not keeping promises, especially in regards to time keeping whilst out,
Subtle manipulation and guilt tripping to keep you distracted,
More interested in conversations on their phone,
Put you down or belittle you in public or in front of friends and family,
Dismiss your opinion or advice in favour of what they want to do,
Change in sex drive, lack of. Conversely, might increase if they’re cheating to throw you off,
May accuse you of behaviour that they are guilty of in order to force you to be on the defensive,
Lack of respect in regards to your personal space and possessions
Critiscism in regards to your financial situation – e.g. ‘You have savings, you can spend that’. Get angry or irritable if you don’t spend money on them/take them out more than often because they EXPECT it.
I’m sure I could think of more, but these are all from my most recent relationship and all from experience.”

#10. You can’t fake it.

“For me, It was very subtle. We were still in love, but it wasn’t enough.

She stopped saying ‘I love you.’ In the same way. She’d only say it as a kind of joke, like if I messed something up, ‘I love you, but look at how you made the bed.’ She started exploring things that had nothing to do with me. She started playing sport back in her home town on the weekends, and started thinking about moving back there for a year to study. Other things just felt off. She’d finish work and I wouldn’t hear from her for an hour, even though she was meant to be coming over – way out of character for her. She started saying ‘you’ or ‘me’ instead of ‘us.’ She would turn up to my house red eyed, looking like she’d been crying. She was suddenly in contact with her ex again.

And most importantly, you just know. When you’ve been so in love for so long, you can’t fake it once it fades.”

#9. Honestly.

“When they don’t make an effort to call or text.

When they do things they know that hurt you.

When they just don’t make an effort honestly.”

#8. Tired of everything.

“They seem tired of everything you two used to do.”

#7. Pretty obvious.

“You can kinda just feel the drop off in interest. You may not notice it as much while it’s happening due to denial or something, but looking back later on it becomes pretty obvious.”

#6. Maybe you need to have a talk.

“You stop being a priority. And that’s not to say you always have to be the number one priority all the time, but it should be reasonable. If your SO keeps going out with friends instead of spending any time with you for weeks, then maybe you need to have a talk.”

#5. I just assumed.

“I felt him losing interest. No more cuddly conversations, irritability when I asked him questions, no more little gifts or notes. I felt his lack of love for a full year before he finally just decided to break up, I was surprised because I just assumed that’s what happens to relationships after a few years of being around the other person.

Now I get hugs when I come home from work, and random flirty texts throughout the day. I see the love. But I’ll know what to look for if it happens again.”

#4. Lack of time.

“Lack of time for you is the biggest red flag, romantic or not, family or not, friend or not.

Edit: STOP pounding my inbox like a Kardashian in a locker room with your exceptions!

• “Not all…..”

• “What if……”

• “But sometimes…..”

#3. Change the topic.

“They stop replying to your texts and they often change the topic when you say things about the future.”

#2. Radio silence.

“When your the one reaching out (calling/texting) and you decide to stop and get radio silence for two weeks.”

#1. When you touch them.

“They recoil when you touch them.”