I’ve never designed and sold a product for mass consumption, but it’s got to be difficult. First, you need a great idea, something that meets a need yet hasn’t already been made. Then you need to persuade a bunch of businesspeople to give you their money and resources to make your product. And then you need to convince the general public that they need your product enough to hand over their hard-earned money for it. It’s a grueling process, and the failure rate is high. According to Harvard Business School professor Clayton Christensen, of the 30,000 new consumer products introduced each year, 80% of them fail.
So maybe those slim odds are why the folks at the clothing company Shinesty decided, why bother doing all that work to make something people actually want? Instead, why not make something nobody wants, and bank on the irony as a selling point?
Otherwise, I have no idea why these denim speedos exist.
Thankfully, Shinesty’s new denim speedo, or “Jeado” as it’s officially called, isn’t made from real denim, which would be the objectively worst fabric to make a bathing suit out of. (Hello, jock itch!) They’re merely printed to look like denim. The Jeado’s outer shell is made from a blend of 88% polyester and 12% spandex, and the inner lining is all polyester.
They sell for $39.99 and range in sizes from small to XXL, which is unfortunately sold out. Shinesty advises that the Jeado fits snugly, so you may want to buy one size bigger.
While Jeados might not need to exist, they do boast some excellent names. Jeados are available in three shades. First up, the “Daytona Dong Sarong.”
Then there’s a black acid-washed variety, the “Houston Hog Holster.”
And finally, a lighter acid-washed variety called “The Assid Washer.”
If you’re a woman, and you’re wondering, “Why can’t I cover my junk in fake jeans?” wonder no longer! Because Shinesty makes denim bathing suits for you, too. If you prefer to rock a one-piece, there’s the “Jacksonville Jeankini.”
And if you prefer a two-piecer, there’s the “Daytona Jeankini.”
To be fair, the folks at Shinesty seem aware of how ridiculous their product is. Even the Jeado’s product description on the Shinesty website sounds skeptical about the Jeado:
“Our denim print swim brief, also known as the Jeado, also known as the Daytona Dong Sarong is just like that, except it is the above-ground hot tub of the swim brief world…or something like that. It is like eating a bag of chips in church.
Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too.
And if you’re really risky you’ll combine those last 2 sentences, eating a bag of chips in church while wearing this denim swimsuit. You’ll probably get tossed out, but you’ll look and taste good doing it.”
That’s right, Jeados are just like eating chips in church: gross, inappropriate, and an insult to our creator.
But hey, maybe I’m wrong about Jeados. They’ve already gone viral. When it comes to selling a new product, capturing the public’s attention is half the battle. So maybe this summer, you won’t be able to hit the beach, your local pool, or your favorite catfish noodlin’ spot, without seeing a pair of Jeados.