Level with us: how’s your marriage going?
How much time do you and your spouse typically argue over how the dishwasher is loaded?
On average, who usually wins the fights about what is for dinner AND who would you consider the king or queen of correct laundry procedures in your household?
If you’re married, you know exactly what I’m talking about…and we’re here to laugh about all that kind of stuff today.
So go hide a closet somewhere and have a few laughs before you get yelled at! Enjoy!
1. A lot of people are living this right now.
Ladies, please speak up about this.
Has anyone else reached the “husband playing guitar alone in the bedroom” phase of Election Day
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) November 3, 2020
2. She always knows.
You need a new hiding spot.
The wife asked if I was still in the shower, it's like she knew I was hiding in there all this time.
— Forward March (@RunOldMan) November 3, 2020
3. Yay! It’s the time of the season.
He’s in for a big surprise, huh?
I went ahead and put up my Christmas tree yesterday. Now I can put all the presents my husband didn't know he bought for me under there.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) November 6, 2020
4. Just stop counting!
I hate it when they do that.
STOP THE COUNT!!
– Me, to my wife when she counts the number of drinks I had— karanbir singh 🫶 (@karanbirtinna) November 6, 2020
5. Look on the bright side.
They’re gonna love you at da club.
My wife accidentally threw one of my shirts in the dryer.
On the bright side I now have a new belly shirt for when we go clubbing.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) November 8, 2020
6. That seems fair.
Hey, we get it…
The only time I complain about my husband being on his phone is when I’m not on mine.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 2, 2020
7. Just let her live her life!
Is that too much to ask?
My husband said the dogs’ Halloween costumes were an unnecessary expense. Looks like the Grinch is stealing more than Christmas this year, y’all.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) October 29, 2020
8. I heard a loud bang on 10th Street?
Can someone please confirm what that was?
My husband sneezed and now everyone on Nextdoor is asking what that loud noise was.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 9, 2020
9. Really? You expect me to believe that?
I wasn’t born yesterday!
https://twitter.com/jess_salomon/status/1324146018888404992?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1324146018888404992%7Ctwgr%5E&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Ffunniest-marriage-tweets-oct-27-nov-9_l_5fa97e61c5b623bfac528683
10. Well…it looks like it’s over.
No marriage can live through this.
I thought I was happily married & then my husband put the toilet paper on the wrong way.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 1, 2020
11. You might have really messed things up.
You need to have a better strategy!
Sure I hate doing stupid things but what I really hate is knowing that I just gave my husband ammunition for our next fight
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 9, 2020
12. Uh oh…this might get ugly.
Are you ready for this barrage?
My wife leaning on the kitchen counter with her head in her hands is the human equivalent of the “5% battery remaining” warning. "
— The Dad (@thedad) November 2, 2020
Okay, now it’s your turn!
Are YOU married?
If so, give us an update about how it’s going during the pandemic.
Supply us with the dirt in the comments. Thanks!