Here’s a poem I just wrote in honor of Valentine’s Day:
(Please send my Pulitzer prize here.)
If we’re being honest, store-bought Valentine’s Day cards really only have one benefit: convenience. Everyone’s love is unique, and there’s just no way a card from a store can express you and your partner’s love of horror movies or late-night farting contests or whatever it is that makes your love special. If you want a card that accurately expresses how you feel about your beloved, you’re better off just writing one yourself. Heck, a Valentine doesn’t even have to be a card at all. It can be anything that says, “I love you.”
But maybe you’re not as good at poetry as I am. If you need inspiration, here’s a tip: the most romantic V-Day cards are the ones that sound totally normal to you and your beloved, and totally insane to anyone else. If you need inspiration, check out these 15 homemade examples. Love really makes all of us weirdos. (via Bored Panda).
1. Roses are red, feces is brown.
The story: “My girlfriend is a microbiologist. She just sent me this Valentine.”
2. The only acceptable edible arrangement to send anyone.
The story: “Girlfriend called Domino’s to send me a surprise heart-shaped Valentine’s Day pizza while I’m on a business trip.”
3. Always on my mind.
The story: “For Valentine’s Day, my girlfriend got me a t-shirt…of herself.”
4. So many ways to say “I love you.” Not as many ways to say, “I’m only doing this out of obligation.”
5. Scientists make the best lovers.
The story: “This is the card my biochemistry-major boyfriend gave me for Valentines Day.”
6. Bling Bling
The story: “Next year, get your wife an ’18 carrot’ necklace, like I did.”
7. The pusher.
The story: “I’m a teacher. Got this Valentine from a student.”
8. A classic bait and switch.
9. If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?
The story: “A Valentine’s package I mailed to a customer.”
10. When the “gift” is really a gift for yourself.
The story: “I bought my wife a dozen roses for Valentine’s Day, she was not impressed.”
11. Looks like Matthew has found a keeper.
12. Sometimes, “love” is too strong a word.
The story: “My friend made this for her husband.”
13. Our love is unbreakable, like a Nokia 3310.
The ol’ 3310 actually is considered one of the most unbreakable phones of all time. Well played, sir.
14. When a misanthrope makes an exception.
15. Great, now candy is ruined forever.
h/t: Bored Panda