If every date went perfectly, and both people ended up together forever, the world would probably be a happier place. But it would also be a much more boring place. Then, you wouldn’t have any “awful first date” stories.
Terrible first date stories are one of the most universally relatable, because everyone’s had a bad first date–and for some people, that’s the only kind of date they’ve ever been on! But the interesting thing is, while everyone’s had a bad first date, no two bad first date stories are exactly alike. People are complex and they’ll always surprise you. Even when they’re disappointing you.
Recently, a Redditor posted an Ask Reddit thread prompting people to share their bad first date stories, and the people of Reddit delivered. Here are 15 awful first dates that will make you want to swear off dating forever.
1. Now that’s how you “think outside the bun.”
“Online dating in your 40s sucks. I met this guy online (it was not Tinder) and he kept bugging me to take me out to dinner. I finally agreed and he said he wanted to take me “somewhere nice.” Now I don’t know about any of you, but when I hear “somewhere nice”, to me that involves wait staff and tablecloths. We agreed to meet in a well-lit grocery store parking lot and ride to the restaurant in his car. It’s cool out so I put on a dress and tights and high heeled boots and go to meet him in the parking lot of the strip mall. He pulls up in a Mercedes and I wonder if I’m dressed well enough for wherever we’re going. We do the greetings and I get in his car and he drives across the parking lot–‘ to the Taco Bell drive-thru. I am not joking. I text my teenage daughter and she tells me that things like that only happen in the movies. Needless to say, there was no second date.” – SkippyBluestockings
2. Nothing says romance like “Grandma’s funeral.”
“The guy I was seeing asked me if I wanted to get together one night. Nothing special, I figured we’d hit a club or just go f*ck around with his friends per usual. So, fine, into my usual goth metal head gear I go. It’s been nearly twenty years I think, and I still remember what I was wearing- ripped up pleather pants, fishnets, chrome jewelry, and my classy af Cradle of Filth tshirt that featured two nuns molesting a naked woman. In my defense I was eighteen and this was the nineties.
I picked the guy up, and he said we needed to stop someplace first, and gave me directions to a nice residential neighborhood. We pull up to a house, and the first thing I notice is the hearse parked in the drive. Okay, cool, I love hearses. Hate driving them, but damn are they beautiful. Guy leads me into the house where we are suddenly the focus of a large crowd of very solemn people. Before I could figure out what’s going on, my date burst into tears, literally pushed me into the arms of some guy, and ran into a side room where he then threw himself across the body of an elderly woman. I just stood there in shock until one of people explained that my date’s grandmother had passed away earlier that day, and the family had gathered to say thier goodbyes before the mortuary staff took her away. His family looked uncomfortable, the mortuary staff looked like they just wanted to leave already, and I wanted to sink into the earth and disappear. One of the uncles handed me a piece of pizza and a soda and brought me out to the backyard to meet the rest of the extended family. I think I spent a good two hours trying to make small talk with the family while doing my best to cover the front of my tshirt with my arms. They were actually very gracious given the circumstances, but it was the most awkward two hours of my life. The worst part was that my date had known prior to asking me out that night and didn’t bother to warn me.” – threadtoss
3. Always keep your hookups straight.
“Moved to Houston for a new job, didn’t know anybody in the state. Decided tinder/bumble was a good route.
Worked on deep-water oil rigs in the GOM, so I’d match with the girls, and used my time offshore to get that “idk sh*t about you” phase to warm up and get to know them, that way when I got back in town we’d be semi-comfortable with each other. So I matched with this one girl and we got along great so we set up a date when I’d be back in town.
Fast forward to date night. I let her pick the place because I was relatively new to the area and figured I’d let her pick so she’d feel more comfortable. We agreed to an 8:00 bar date, I show up, at like 7:45? This girl had clearly been there for a while. She’s obviously pretty drunk so I figure “nice, she enjoys a good time”. Fast forward 2 hours, she is barely standing up and I’m lightyears behind. She was drinking like her life depended on it. So I asked if she wanted to go upstairs and kinda relax (upstairs was the more chill zone, lots of seating, calmer music, all that). So we’re walking up the stairs and on the 2nd to last step she slips and face plants into one of those “$10 bucket of beers” signs, so I call it a night, put her in a cab, pay and tip and ask the driver that he makes sure she gets home safely.
9 am the next morning, I get a text: “had a blast last night! Was sorta pissed you left so early this morning though”.
So she apparently hooked up with some random guy between the cab door and her front door. She later apologized and asked if I wanted to try again for a second date, which obviously never happened.” – prfalcon61
4. The multi-tasker.
“Several dates in and it’s starting to get fairly serious with this girl. We had been spending weekends at each other’s places and stuff. She goes to the bathroom. Comes back and had been texting. Her phone was in her hand and turned her body a bit to talk to the server. As she turns I can see her phone a bit and she had been sending nudes. From the bathroom. On our date. The name at the top of the text is her ex. I excused myself to hit the bathroom but instead just leave, stuff her with the bill and stranded there. This was before Uber, and taxis are not cheap in Jacksonville.” – GATOR7862
5. The charmer.
“Guy showed up drunk. Told me for half an hour straight how much his life sucked, how he had a hangover from the night before and how he had to go partying again although he did´t really want to.
Didn´t ask me one single question about me, was really completely uninterested. Needless to say I did not join him when he went to said party. Went home instead, when I arrived home he had already unmatched me on tinder.” – surgeonette
6. Nothing’s more romantic than Foot Locker.
“I didn’t know what he had planned for our first date. He picked me up and took me to a different city, to shop (for) gym clothes for him … since I couldn’t leave I endured, pissed. After a while, we had tea (from a really crappy place) and I had to pay for it because ‘he didn’t have money.’” – source
7. The keys to a woman’s heart: a Furby, an anger problem, and weird coffee shop issues.
“I dabbled into some online dating a while back when I was single. This one guy refused to meet me inside the coffee shop.
Stupid me decided ‘I’ll meet him outside anyways.’ We walked around the little mall for a bit chatting about our jobs and such and what he wanted to do after our little ‘date.’ He ends up driving me home and showed me this Furby that he claims he likes to punch when he’s mad and busts out the ‘so can I get in your pants or naw?’” – SmileySammie
8. Didn’t need a crystal ball to predict that one…
“He took me to go see a psychic, who proceeded to tell him that we wouldn’t last as a couple and would end up splitting up. On the 2 hour drive home he cried and said he didn’t see the point in dating if we weren’t going to end up in a proper relationship. I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but to make matters worse, when he pulled up outside my house he locked me in his van and wouldn’t let me out. Oh and then he would watch me from his van for about 3 weeks afterwards and ring my phone continuously so I couldn’t use it.” – AshleighElizabethOx
9. Anime ruins yet another romance.
“3rd date with a gorgeously giant linebacker. He was smooth and had good intentions. We finally got to his place and instead of initiating anything he ended up explaining (spoiling) the entire Naruto: Shippuden plot. Meanwhile I’m sitting on his bed waiting for him to stop talking… but he talked about Naruto for well over 30 minutes. Also I wasn’t allowed to play the stupid Naruto game on the PlayStation that had sparked his sermon, because it was “so complicated” and I had to “learn the combos first”. When he finally tried to kiss me my patience was spent and I just went home. To this day I’m still in awe of that man’s closet weebery.” – napqveen
10. And that’s why you never swipe right on someone named “Hannibal L.”
“It was a blind date, we met up at a coffee shop close to our university. He was very high, and it was hard to get a conversation going. He just kept telling me I was as beautiful as the brick wall we were sitting next to, and that my skin looked soft enough to be made into a nice robe. The date lasted maximum 15 minutes.” – merlot-o
11. Ice, ice baby.
“There was this girl I had been trying to go out with for a while. We were kind of on and off for a bit in terms of her being interested or not. Finally we decided to meet up for drinks with the intention of having a date.
We go to one of my favorite spots where my friend is a bartender. He makes really unique cocktails which all taste amazing. This place is more of a fine dining restaurant, so the atmosphere is perfect for getting to know someone.
There was something ODD about the way this girl was acting though. She was louder than she needed to be and making weird banshee-like noises from time to time. She did seem coherent enough to hold a conversation though. I wasn’t quite sure if she was already drunk or on something. My friend realizes this and pours her a water. He also pours everyone else at the bar a water as not to single her out.
She gets extremely offended, looks at my friend and says, “So you think I’m drunk? Is that is?” He replies with a curious smirk saying, “I’ve actually poured everyone water.”
She looks disgusted but turns away and continues speaking to me. On the side of the bar is a stainless steel open cooler (looks like a sink) built into it. In this cooler is filled with ice and various bottles of liquor.
She grabs some ice out of the cooler with her hands and proceeds to eat it. After about the third handful, my friend looks at her and says, “Please don’t eat the ice out of my cooler. I can give you a glass of ice if you want. I need this ice for my bottles and this ice is actually pretty dirty.”
This again, infuriates her and she excuses herself to go to the bathroom. As soon as she leaves, my bartender friend looks me square in the eye and says, ‘Get her the f*ck out of here!’
The date ended shortly after that.”
12. More like “exclamation point!” HEY-O!
“My first date when I was 15. Got my period but didn’t notice it since I was too exited. On our way out, every single person in cafe noticed it since my whole ass was, actually, covered in blood.” – optimistic_girl
13. You two would have a great affair together.
“A friend set me up with a girl he knew. She was cute, funny, smart, everything you hope for in a blind first date. After spending a good part of the day with her, we end up at this frozen yogurt spot. We talk for a bit and she mentions how much fun she had today. Then she says how much her boyfriend would like this spot and that we should all hang out next week. Never asked that friend to set me up ever again.” – TaiTW
14. Three witnesses are much worse than one.
15. If nothing else, at least this story will teach you what “frog gigging” is.
“Oh goodness, my worst date was pretty bad.
I was 18 or 19 and got setup on a date by a friend. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and she wanted me to see a good guy. The man worked with her husband for the county police.
He and I exchange numbers, but don’t exchange photos because we both wanted to get to know each other as a person and not judge based off looks. He was honest, told me he was a little bit bigger. When I hear a little bit bigger, I think f a guy that is stocky/has a minor gut. Not a deal breaker so it wasn’t an issue.
I was having some car issues so we agreed to have him pick me up for our date. He sends me a text saying he’ll be there in 30 mins, which I appreciate so I know how much longer I have to finish my makeup. 30 minutes goes by and I think I hear a car pull into the driveway, but I wasn’t sure. Two minutes goes by and I hear honking. Yep, guy is hoking the horn to let me know he’s there. Doesn’t come to my door or even send a text, he honks.
I go outside and walk to his truck and as I’m struggling to get in, I’m only 5’1″ and his truck is lifted, I want to get right back out. This man was more than a little big, he was huge. I’m talking close to 350 big. I was irritated about that; not that he was big, but that he lied to me about his size.
He starts driving and the conversation is going well, so no issues there. I ask him where we’re going and he just tells me, “A nice, small and local restaurant that I really like.” Alright I can work with that as I love supporting local places. We get there and the place looks cute on the outside. He parks right next to the handicap parking, so we’re really close to the door. By the time he walks to the front door he’s breathing extremely heavy and is really out of breath. I’m trying not to show any concern, but I can’t help but wonder to myself how the hell is this man an officer?
We get inside the place and it’s a buffet. I know that’s not the worst, but I really hate buffets. I’ve just never liked them as I find them to be pretty disgusting, especially if you watch how people handle the food when they’re getting it. This puts me in kind of a down mood, but I’m not saying anything because he said it’s one of his favorite places. As we make our way through the restaurant we get stopped multiple times because everyone knows him and wants to talk, slightly annoying, but fine; that is until I hear him introduce me as his girlfriend. That’s right, our first date and he’s telling everyone he talks to that I’m his girlfriend. People would ask how long we’ve been together and I would speak up saying it was first date and that we weren’t actually dating. He looked like a sad puppy dog, but we weren’t and I wasn’t going to tell people we were.
We finish dinner and he tells me we need to go back to his place real quick because we need to get some stuff for the second part of our date, but won’t tell me what the second part is. We get to his place and there are a bunch of cars out front. I just dismissed it as possibly roommates. He asks me to go inside with him to grab the stuff and as we walk in I’m greeted by his entire family. Mother, father, grandparents, uncles, aunt’s, sisters, brother in law’s, nieces and nephews. This is pretty much my breaking point where I decided I can’t keep looking for positives and that there is no way in hell this man is getting a second date. As I’m meeting his family, they keep telling me how nice it is to meet his girlfriend. Girlfriend there is that word again.
In trying not to cringe as I talk to his family, but they keep calling me his girlfriend, no matter how many times I tell them that this is only our first date. His nieces were adorable and one asked to sit on my lap and have me braid her hair. I’m great with kids and won’t say no to a little girl asking me to do her hair. As I’m braiding her hair, she asks me when am I going to become her auntie? That put me into shock. This little 5 year old just asked me when I’m going to marry her uncle. I try not to show how shocked I am and just tell her I’m not sure. Once I finish her hair I get up and go talk to someone else. As I’m standing there talking to his sister, the best friend and his wife walk in the door. I find out at this moment our date is actually going to be a double date. His sister brings up marriage and does it really loud to the point where most people can hear and it goes silent as they’re waiting for my response. I just say this is our first date so if it was to get to that, it will be a while. In my head I know it’s never going to get to that point.
My date and his best friend go into the garage to get stuff to put into the truck. As they’re doing that, I get asked if I’m really wearing that (it’s August, so I have one a cute tank top, shorts and strappy sandals) to go giggin’? I have no damn clue what the hell giggin’ is so I say yes. Family members are looking shocked and his sister has me a bottle of bug spray and tells me I’m going to need it.
We get in the truck and his friend follows us. I ask him what exactly we’re going to do and he tells me frog giggin’. I have no idea what the hell that is and ask him. Frog gigging = frog hunting. For a first date he takes me frog gigging. Seriously, please don’t take a person frog gigging for a first date. He pulls over and his friends get into the back of the truck and then he drives into this big field. He finds a spot and the three of them get all excited about finding some frogs. I’m pretty annoyed by now, but in trying to be nice and I talk with the other woman there.
Once again, the damn topic of marriage gets brought up. For some reason this is a great thing to talk about on a first date for these people. As the lady and I talk she talks about her wedding and tells me how they went frog gigging and caught enough to serve fried frog legs at their wedding. They also had hush puppies, sweet tea, lemonade, potato salad, black eye peas and some other stuff.
As we’re talking about their wedding, her husband grabs the bat out of the truck bed, jumps out and runs into the field. She must have seen the look on my face and tells me he’s a taxidermist and probably just saw something. Sure enough he found a fox and looks extremely proud of himself as he’s walking back to the truck, holding this fox by the tail that he just killed. He then starts talking about his job and I honestly have no interest and I’m at the point where I’m tired of being nice because I’m being bit by mosquitoes constantly and the date has just been hell. It must have become apparent because he got the hint and stopped talking.
Finally the date is over and he’s driving me back home. He keeps talking about how much fun he had, how he can’t wait for a second date and that he really likes me. Icing on the cake, he lights up a cigarette as he’s driving. I really hate the smell of cigarettes and my asthma starts kicking in. We finally pull into my driveway and he leans in for a kiss. I tell him I don’t kiss on the first date, which is a lie and get into my house as fast as I possibly can.” – i_belong_to_da_ocean
h/t: Bloomjoy Collective