Harry Potter readers will remember Bertie Bott’s every-flavored beans, the jelly beans that came in literally every flavor imaginable, including gross ones like ear wax or vomit. Every handful is a gamble.
Apparently many real-life people enjoy candy like this, because there are plenty of companies making candy most of us wouldn’t go near. Are these candies just meant to be novelty gifts? Or are there connoisseurs out there who consider a day without a breast milk-flavored lollipop to be a very sad day indeed?
Somebody out there has to love this stuff, right?
1. Breast milk lollipops
Meh. I’ll be impressed when someone invents Placenta Pops.
2. Gummy sperm
Man, even the cartoon sperm character on the box looks embarrassed about this.
3. Tequila lollipops with a real worm inside
Don’t worry, this won’t be the last lollipop on this list with a dead thing inside it.
4. Lollipops with real insects inside
5. Gummy used bandages
Look out, Gummy Bears. There’s a new kid on the block.
6. Onion ring-flavored mints
Yes, they taste like onion rings. Yes, they come in tins of 100. And yes, the idea for this candy came from Guy Fieri’s vision board.
7. Sour flush candy toilet
Hey, if I wanted to eat candy out of a toilet, I certainly wouldn’t pay for it.
8. Bubblegum camel balls
Apparently you can completely lose your mind and still get a job designing candy for children.
9. Vegetable-flavored candy
Ever feel like your life is too fun? These are for you.
10. Thanksgiving gumballs
The pumpkin pie- and cranberry-flavored ones miiiiight work, but turkey is where I draw the line.
11. Gummy haggis
The perfect gift for your coworker who mentioned her Scottish ancestry once, and whom you don’t particularly like.
12. Gummy ear wax
Available in “regular” and “infected” flavors.
13. Candy urine
The website talks up the realistic looking collection jar as crucial for tricking people into thinking you’re drinkin’ pee. They recommend you slam one of these “On your next blind date, or in the middle of an important business meeting.” I’ll give anyone who does this $1,000.
14. Uncle Urnie’s candy ashes
Hey, why not? The word “cremation” already sounds like a delicious ice cream treat.
15. Frozen Daniel Craig lollipops
Unfortunately these are frozen smoothies, and do not taste like Daniel Craig. Sorry.