The way they sneeze. How they hog the covers. The fact that they leave their towels hanging on the closet doors so they can use them again. There are probably a hundred million examples of things that people do that seem really cute while you’re dating, but then once you’re married or living together and they’re doing it multiple times a day, oh my god, would going to jail for murder really be that horrible?

Ahem.

Here are 15 awesome examples.

 

#1. Hair.

“Her hair. She has such long, beautiful hair, but it gets everywhere. Drains. Sinks. Carpets. I’ve had to sit and cut hairs out of the vacuum so it would work again because it had tied up the roly bit. Not to mention I’ve had her hair on me and all through my clothing.”

#2. A bag of magic beans.

“His spontaneity.

It used to be really fun and sexy…but now it’s like living with a real life Homer Simpson/Phil Dunphy hybrid.

No joke, I am just waiting for the day he comes home with a bag of ‘magic beans’.

Edit: I’ve had a lot people asking for more stories of my husband doing crazy shit.

I think my favorite is: on our first date we got caught in a rain storm. I was wet to the bone and wearing a skirt…so he offered me his pants.”

#3. NOW?

“My husband always tries to make me laugh. I honestly hope he never stops trying, but there are times when it’s like “really?? You’re trying to make me laugh NOW?!”

#4. Some pedantic loophole.

“Debate with me. At the beginning it was great because I felt like I met my intellectual equal. Now I realize she’s just a disagreeable person. I’m 90% sure if I told her the sky was blue, she would find a way to dispute my assertion with some pendantic loophole

EDIT: ok people, it feels like half of these responses came from my wife. I just double checked out the window, the sky is definitely blue. Do you want to know what shade of blue? SKY BLUE!! Explaining WHY it’s blue doesn’t make it not blue. Baaaah!!”

#5. Minecraft mistakes.

“She doesn’t take precautions playing Minecraft. It was funny seeing her wooden house burn down, or her losing all her stuff digging straight down.

But since I ran the server, she would keep asking me to go to use my admin powers to get it all back. A lot.

She also still sends settlers unescorted in Civ V (I just triggered all civ players, sorry). Other than that she is still perfect after 10 years :D”

#6. Get to the verb.

“He can not tell a story. Rambling, unnecessary details, and the listener is three steps ahead the entire time, just waiting for it to slowly unspool.”

#7. Forgetfulness.

“His forgetfulness used to be cute and fun. Waking up to fresh gallons of milk sitting on the counter for hours is annoying as fuck now.”

#8. Bathroom stalking.

“Constantly watching me in the bathroom. It was fun at first, we always make/made jokes. But now there are times I just want to be left alone to shit for fucks sake.”

#9. My way’s better.

“First off, still very happily married and in love! However, there is one thing that does cause a ruckus every now and again. When we were dating and living together, we would do diy stuff around the house. I know a little past the basics because my dad made sure to teach me things and of course there is always youtube, so I’m not helpless by any stretch. In fact I owned several of my own power tools before we got together.

When doing one of these projects, he often wouldn’t let me do much. Back then I thought, “What a gentleman, doesn’t want me to get dirty.” or whatever. Nowadays I’ll be watching him do something and know a better way of doing said task, and it’s like he doesn’t believe me. So he’ll try 18 other ways before landing on the way I suggested and it working out just dandy. It’s pretty frustrating. I can do more than hold something while you work!

It’s not a deal breaker, but sometimes I let him know just how stupid he was acting, and how much time it wasted by not just trying my way first. Even if my suggestion doesn’t work, what did you lose?”

#10. Slow eater.

“Takes forever to eat a meal. It was very well-suited to long dates, romantic dinners, those intense getting-to-know-you conversations at the beginning. 15 years later and I just want to have a meal where I’m not done before he’s barely taken a bite!

His whole family is like this and I simply don’t understand. It’s food, you put it on a plate and you eat it and go on with life! Not for them, mealtimes often stretch on for hours, occasionally into the next bloody meal if it’s a family event. I just don’t get it.”

#11. Clumsy

“Clumsily break things accidentally. It’d be a teaspoon one day or a shoelace the next. Little insignificant, ‘how-on-earth-did-you-manage-to-break-that?’ type of things. Started out quite cute and amusing. Now it’s a case of ‘Babe, that’s like the fourth vacuum cleaner this year, and it’s a fucking Dyson.'”

#12. What’s for dinner?

“Her indecisiveness. It was adorable to see her struggle when we were dating but goddammit I’m just trying to figure out what to make for dinner.”

#13. More than me.

“Not married, but engaged and have been together for almost 5 years now? Everyone likes her. She’s a very likable person, but my friends and family like her more than me. Just gets to me sometimes when she tells me something about a friend or family member that I should have heard from them.”

#14. A choral piece.

“Her having to sing everything like it’s a perfected choral piece.”

#15. He needed me.

“In the beginning he used to really need me and he always required a LOT of attention.

I loved it, at first.

I loved to feel needed and I 100% absolutely loved to lavish him with my adoring attention endlessly…

I was absolutely devoted.

Fast forward 15 years…

I feel used up and taken for granted.

He has never reciprocated, our relationship has always been strongly one way.

His behaviour was exactly what I wanted and needed – at one point.

Now it’s just something that upsets me. A lot.”