Dads, dads, dads. Aren’t they the best? They provide for us, they’re always there when we need them…and sometimes they can be really funny.
These fellas are definitely proof of that.
1. When you put it that way…
Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed.
3-year-old: There's a scary monster in my closet
Me: Scarier than Mom?
3: *goes to bed*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 28, 2016
2. Mom’s in on it as well.
Me: goodnight kids
Kids: goodnight dad
Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad
Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
— Nate Usher (@thenatewolf) August 15, 2015
3. Put the marker down!
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014
4. Oh, no!
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
5. Keep your eyes closed tightly.
My son can now reach the light switches so don't come over my house unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 21, 2013
6. Oh, thank you!
5: daddy can I tell you a secret?
Me: sure thing buddy
5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 9, 2015
7. Now I’m up.
[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?
Me: I'm up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2015
8. Sounds like a genius.
My 2-y-o can figure out how to work the TV remote, but can't find his mouth while eating spaghetti.
— Matt Brennan (@SpiralingMatt) June 14, 2015
9. Two peas in a pod.
My youngest is being tested for the gifted program at his elementary school and my other son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.
— eric (@ericsshadow) March 25, 2016
10. Not playing around anymore.
I constantly google "how to put your kids up for adoption" so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I'm not messing around.
— Goats? (@Gooooats) February 18, 2016
11. Kids know what they want.
— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) September 1, 2015
12. Keeping our fingers crossed.
Son: am I adopted?
Me: not yet, but we're hopeful.
— Lloyd Rang (@lloydrang) June 26, 2013
13. Dear old Dad.
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
14. They need to learn.
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) September 4, 2011
15. It’s that time again!
Watching "Frozen" again with my daughter because we paid $19.99 to download it so she's going to fucking watch it every day until college.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 9, 2014
Share your best dad joke or funny dad story in the comments!
We’d love to hear from you!