Ready for more random, hilarious tweets?!?!
Of course you are!
That’s why this list is ESSENTIAL.
1. Nothing wrong with that
My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 16, 2015
2. True story
You see, son, it's called "o'clock" because the Irish invented time.
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) February 17, 2015
3. A good face
Mike Trout got a face like if I went to Lowe's and was shopping for a lawnmower and he was helping me, I'd know I was in good hands.
— Beyonce has an uncle named Larry Beyince. Bruh…. (@DragonflyJonez) March 21, 2019
4. Sorry about that
me: no shoes in the house
— aaron (@mrtiredeyes) March 20, 2019
5. Good plan
In honor of Woodstock’s 50th anniversary I am going to shit on the ground
— I hope Stephen Sondheim is having a nice day (@GraceSpelman) March 21, 2019
Stop making new flavors of Diet Coke. The original flavor, chemicals, is already perfect.
— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) March 21, 2019
7. I’ve seen this a lot
ideal relationship: she goes inside to buy smokes while i pump $9 worth of unleaded gas into the car. she’s wearing pajamas and i’m wearing a jersey for a player who hasn’t played on that team in 5 years
— kelbin (@pissboymcgee) March 20, 2019
8. Those are the correct lyrics
I'm sorry Ms. Jackson (Oooooo)/ I am four eels/ Never meant to make your daughter cry/ I am several fish and not a guy
— joshh O))) (@JNalv) February 20, 2013
9. How does that work?
spending $90 all at once: BAD
spending $30 three days in a row: somehow good
— common sad girl (@sadgirlkms) March 19, 2019
10. Too crazy
the crazy bread facebook page agreed to remove a pic of crazy bread after i reported it for being “too crazy” pic.twitter.com/IBeeeZeynT
— slick (@dlicj) September 11, 2018
11. It’s working
DATE: so tell me something about yourself
ME: i am older than every dog
— everett byram (@rad_milk) January 18, 2018
12. It’s worth it
getting fired from my job as a high school history teacher for making my students do research to find out which historical figures were tall as hell and should have been hoopin
— fred (@fredboycolor) March 17, 2019
13. Figure that out
wrestling movies: im sad and i have something to prove to my dad
actual wrestlers: my name is Nutbuster Mike and i dont care if i die
— okada's yaoisona (@seokjinuchiha) March 17, 2019
You sit down on a couch in JK Rowling’s house and she’s like, “Careful, Dumbledore got railed there.”
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) March 17, 2019
15. That is incredible
When my parents went to Ireland with my grandfather who hadn't been there in 25 years he took them to his favorite pub. When they went in a guy at the bar said "oh god he's back"
— captain glasses (@online_shawn) March 17, 2019