I like to eat. You like to eat. WE ALL LIKE TO EAT.
Now that we have that settled, let’s dig in to some funny tweets about one of our favorite topics: FOOD.
Feed me!
1. NOW!
Waitress: what can I get for you?
Me: i'll have the steak
W: how would you like it?
Me: immediately
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 17, 2015
2. A bold move.
I just got cold while I was eating ice cream, so instead of stopping eating ice cream, I put on a jacket.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 3, 2016
3. You had to know.
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
4. Hey o!
Ladies call me Subway because I've got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
— John E. Cakes (@mattytalks) January 8, 2012
5. It’s time…
2:00pm: Gonna save the other half of this sandwich for later
2:06pm: Time to finish that sandwich
— Dylan Farella (@dfarella) February 5, 2019
6. The war has begun.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013
7. Don’t mess this up.
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
8. I didn’t know that!
hot dogs were invented in 1936 by Larry Hotdogs when he accidentally dropped a bag of prize-winning pig assholes in his Dick Shaper Machine
— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) September 3, 2013
9. That was fast.
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW
Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted— Elspeth Eastman (@ElspethEastman) September 18, 2016
10. I think I lost my appetite.
It's called "celery" because "cold, wet plant bones" takes too long.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 9, 2013
11. It really does work.
People who think you can't be happy and sad at the same time have obviously never eaten all the cookies in the house in one sitting.
— Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 (@PinkCamoTO) February 10, 2016
12. This guy has the right priorities.
Interviewer: what are your future plans?
Me: lunch
Interviewer: I meant long term plans
Me: what, like dinner?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 22, 2015
13. How dare you!!!
*calls up pizza place*
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
14. Good luck on your quest.
I bought quick oats and two days later my roommate showed up with instant oats. I will not be humiliated; I must find an even sooner oat.
— Chris Thayer (@ChrisThayerSays) March 29, 2016
15. You better believe it.
Food delivery is a combination of my three favorite things:
1. Food
2. Not moving
3. Avoiding people— Marcus A. Stricklin (@marcusthetoken) July 18, 2011
What’s the last great meal you had?
Tell us about it in the comments! We’re starving over here!