15 Christmas Albums That Will Ruin Your Holiday Cheer

Are you sick of the same boring Christmas songs year after year after year? I know I am! Why not shake it up with some of these lesser known, much weirder albums from decades past? No, they don’t have the charm of a Nat King Cole or a Mariah Carey singing the classics, and yes, they will probably leave you feeling disaffected and vaguely upset. But at least they’re different!

Isn’t it time you gave yourself a gift?

 

1. Charlie The Hamster Sings Christmas Songs with Floyd Robinson

What does Charlie the Hamster want for Christmas? A hamster wheel. What does Floyd Robinson want? A new agent.

2. Mistress for Christmas

AC/DC is working on a follow-up album called “Our Wives And Kids No Longer Speak To Us At Christmas (Or Any Other Time)”

3. The Last Month Of The Year

Have none of these men heard of ear wax candling? Or even just Q-tips? There’s got to be a better way, fellas.

4. Klappa pa!

Who’s looking forward to a visit from Savory Santa? He’s got plenty of sodium and rendered hog fat for everyone!

5. Nuttin’ For Christmas and Suzy Snowflake

Coincidentally, “Nuttin’ for Christmas” is also the name of a 2003 holiday hip hop album by Lil’ Jon. Featuring the hit singles “Let It Skeet” and “White Christmas”

6. Harry Secombe’s Christmas Cheer

This album was recorded by Harry, accompanied by the many children he keeps in his basement.

7. Prettige Kerstdagen

Jan Gorissen looks like a mall Santa at a mall that closed eight years ago.

8. Happy Christmas Party: The Best Of Ben Best

No-

body

will no-

tice the hy-

phen in the ti-

tle be-

cause of the na-

ked la-

dy on the co-

ver.

9. Hi-Fi Christmas Party

Dear god, what happened to Santa’s legs?! Was he fused together with a giant stocking in some sort of nightmarish science experiment? Ho Ho kill me!

10. Christmas With Kiro

According to the Dutch tradition, Kiro is the brother of Kris Kringle. If you’ve been a good girl or boy, on December 22nd he puts a little crystal meth in your shoes.

11. A Ding Dong Dandy Christmas

It was their first Christmas since Mary convinced Richard to try polyamory. He’s mostly fine with it!

12. Stan And Doug Just Go Nuts At Christmas

Clearly it was Stan’s turn to use the Sex Clown.

13. A Colt 45 Christmas

Nothing’s weird about this one. That’s a perfectly acceptable stocking stuffer.

14. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

Since he’s gotten his two front teeth, this boy would now like corrective eye surgery.

15. God Jul Onskar

Margret appears to be dealing with a nasty case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Get yourself a sun lamp, Margret!

 

 

h/t: Vintage Everyday

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