Are you sick of the same boring Christmas songs year after year after year? I know I am! Why not shake it up with some of these lesser known, much weirder albums from decades past? No, they don’t have the charm of a Nat King Cole or a Mariah Carey singing the classics, and yes, they will probably leave you feeling disaffected and vaguely upset. But at least they’re different!
Isn’t it time you gave yourself a gift?
1. Charlie The Hamster Sings Christmas Songs with Floyd Robinson
Photo Credit: Vintage Everyday
What does Charlie the Hamster want for Christmas? A hamster wheel. What does Floyd Robinson want? A new agent.
2. Mistress for Christmas
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AC/DC is working on a follow-up album called “Our Wives And Kids No Longer Speak To Us At Christmas (Or Any Other Time)”
3. The Last Month Of The Year
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Have none of these men heard of ear wax candling? Or even just Q-tips? There’s got to be a better way, fellas.
4. Klappa pa!
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Who’s looking forward to a visit from Savory Santa? He’s got plenty of sodium and rendered hog fat for everyone!
5. Nuttin’ For Christmas and Suzy Snowflake
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Coincidentally, “Nuttin’ for Christmas” is also the name of a 2003 holiday hip hop album by Lil’ Jon. Featuring the hit singles “Let It Skeet” and “White Christmas”
6. Harry Secombe’s Christmas Cheer
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This album was recorded by Harry, accompanied by the many children he keeps in his basement.
7. Prettige Kerstdagen
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Jan Gorissen looks like a mall Santa at a mall that closed eight years ago.
8. Happy Christmas Party: The Best Of Ben Best
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No-
body
will no-
tice the hy-
phen in the ti-
tle be-
cause of the na-
ked la-
dy on the co-
ver.
9. Hi-Fi Christmas Party
Photo Credit: Vintage Everyday
Dear god, what happened to Santa’s legs?! Was he fused together with a giant stocking in some sort of nightmarish science experiment? Ho Ho kill me!
10. Christmas With Kiro
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According to the Dutch tradition, Kiro is the brother of Kris Kringle. If you’ve been a good girl or boy, on December 22nd he puts a little crystal meth in your shoes.
11. A Ding Dong Dandy Christmas
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It was their first Christmas since Mary convinced Richard to try polyamory. He’s mostly fine with it!
12. Stan And Doug Just Go Nuts At Christmas
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Clearly it was Stan’s turn to use the Sex Clown.
13. A Colt 45 Christmas
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Nothing’s weird about this one. That’s a perfectly acceptable stocking stuffer.
14. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
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Since he’s gotten his two front teeth, this boy would now like corrective eye surgery.
15. God Jul Onskar
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Margret appears to be dealing with a nasty case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Get yourself a sun lamp, Margret!
h/t: Vintage Everyday