Moms and dads: we understand that you love your children unconditionally, but we also realize that some days feel like never-ending journeys to the bottomless pits of Hell because you’re about to lose your minds.
We’re here for you!
These tweets will make you forget about your woes for a bit and will provide you with some much-needed laughs.
You may begin!
1. All four sound wonderful.
Please choose one of the following school picture packages:
C. Wtf happened to her hair?
D. My child is a serial killer holy shit how did I not see the signs
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 12, 2019
2. Try that one out.
Oh you're into extreme sports? I just took two kids under the age of 5 grocery shopping. So, same.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 15, 2019
3. Don’t bother…
50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 13, 2019
4. Great choice.
Me: *spends time picking out stuffed animals I think my daughter will love and get attached to*
My daughter: *sleeps with and carries around a lemon*
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) November 13, 2019
5. That’s very good.
Me: What's the first rule of cooking?
4: Don't put your hands in your butt.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019
6. You never know what you’re gonna get.
Parenting is a lot like buying 4 bananas and watching them get gobbled up in one day.
Then buying 8 bananas the following week and watching them rot on your counter because 'No one likes bananas mommy.'
— Momtribevibe ??? (@momtribevibe) November 14, 2019
7. She already figured that out.
5-year-old: I'm mad.
5: I DON'T NEED A REASON.
She's living her best life.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 17, 2019
Ahh, just standing here sipping my coffee, listening to the sweet sounds of my oldest two children fighting first thing in the morning while the baby tries to eat the cat food.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) November 18, 2019
9. NEVER STOPS.
I’m convinced that my 6yo thinks if she stops talking for more than 30 seconds a bomb will go off like in Speed, it’s the only explanation
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 13, 2019
10. What’s the Google?
Me: ok so what's the 411 on this game
10yo: the what
Me: you know 41…oh right. you don't know. It means information becuz we used to have to dial 411 on the phone to get someones phone # or address.
10yo: so u mean what's the google then?
Me: yes. exactly.
— ?Dad(snow)man Walking? (@dadmann_walking) November 11, 2019
11. I’d like to know…
What’s it like when your kids listen to you the first time you say something?
No. I’m asking. What’s it like. Someone please tell me.
— ?Vision Bored, Sugar Plum Fairy? (@VisionBored1) November 14, 2019
12. Might be a while.
I don’t know started the saying “life is short” but it definitely wasn’t a parent waiting for a child to “do it myself”
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) November 4, 2019
13. Ice cold.
My revenge plan is mainly encouraging my daughter to make lots and lots of home made crafts so that she can bring them to her schoolteacher to display in her classroom.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) November 8, 2019
[walking into elementary school]
Me: Hi I'm dropping my daughter off for Kindness Club.
Teacher: Well, Kindness Club doesn't start for another 15 minutes so-
Me: THIS IS BULLSHIT
Daughter: THIS IS BULLSHIT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 13, 2019
15. Good effort!
4-year-old: I can't find my shoes.
Me: Where did you look?
We're off to a good start.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2019
To all the parents out there…how are you holding up…?
Come on, be honest with us…