Spent six months with the typo “kind retards” in my email signature. I was Senior Nurse, Learning Disabilities.?

— A Lotta People are Sayin (@Nicnackery) May 3, 2018

I got in the elevator with a woman and said, “What floor?”

She looked at me puzzled and said, “Two…? Brandon, it’s Jessica, I’ve worked with you for two months?”

Felt horrible. https://t.co/BaofFDJ22X

— BD (@BrandonDavisBD) May 9, 2018

Work experience at ASDA pizza counter. All topping measured in a universal cup size. Sweet old woman ordered the ‘hot’ pizza. Shovelled on a cup of chillis and thought ‘that looks a bit much’. Told later the chillis are measured in a cup a tenth of the size. Probably killed her.

— Tobby Watson (@chas_hodges) May 3, 2018

Not me, but when working at Burger King, my friend (and colleague at the time) accidentally put mayonnaise instead of shake mix in the milkshake machine. We told no one and only had one or two complaints. Everyone else obviously loved their chocolate mayonnaise.

— Paul Thorpe (@bracestower) May 3, 2018

I did two year old acid and had to call out of work the next day because it kicked in 3 hours after the party. I stayed up 12 hours and ended up tweeting about the company not paying me well and they liked the tweets. I blocked them and still came into work the next day https://t.co/6335mLrmmU

— ⋆✩ ??. ?*???, ?? ✩⋆ (@alesiavsworld) May 4, 2018

I ran two coffee jugs of cleaning acid through the coffee machines (it looked like water) and served a cup to the visiting area manager, on my first day at the Deep Pan Pizza Company in Purley.

— ThinkyThoughtHead (@mrstth) May 3, 2018

Brought a lit cigarette into a fireworks factory in 1998, a few days later I hit the sprinklers with a raised forklift https://t.co/6DezBdc7en

— Jason Isbell (@JasonIsbell) May 7, 2018

I once sent a company wide virus warning by forwarding the email so they could see what it looked like should they receive one, and forgot to remove the infected attachment.

— Entropy (now on Parler @Entropy72) (@Entropy72) May 3, 2018

Worked as a GP receptionist. Had to update their smoking cessation data, which meant ringing registered patients to ask if they’d thought of quitting. Phoned Mr *Smith*, his wife answered. I asked if he could come to the phone, she said he was dead. I said “so not a smoker then?”

— Emily Burt (@EmilyPBurt) May 3, 2018

As a young, newly qualified nurse I had to catheterise an 18 year old young man. He was obviously nervous. As I was about to begin he asked “Is it small?” I replied “I’ve seen smaller.” Turns out he was referring to the catheter ??‍♀️

— Mrs G ? (@Polly_Gall) May 3, 2018

I had to go to a cabinet meeting having forgotten my shoes. I also spoke in front of 300 people at a conference having forgotten my shoes.

— Martin Ellender (@MartinEllender) May 3, 2018

Painting a barn. Frustrated with malfunctioning paint sprayer.
Write “Fuck this shit” on exterior wall with said sputtering sprayer in large red letters.
Fix sprayer while paint dries. Paint over message 23 times.
Message still visible 20 years later. https://t.co/8Mu7refUNh

— Les Perreaux (@perreaux) May 6, 2018

I worked in an aquarium and was doing a Starfish handling session. A group of people in purple tshirts approached and I asked them if they ‘wanted to have a stroke’. Turns out they were the Stroke Association! I tried to correct myself with ‘of the starfish’ but it was too late.

— Meg De Mar ? (@sharkbaitplays) May 3, 2018

Working at small agency & our big client was Greenpeace. An email came in from supporter asking what we were going to do about saving the whales. Sent group email to office saying “the plan is to eat them – the white meat of the sea” And yes accidentally sent it to supporter…

— Rob Manuel – Follow @fesshole now! (@robmanuel) May 3, 2018