The older you get, the more weddings you will be invited to. Most are tame, and nothing out of the ordinary happens. However, when emotions are high and booze is in abundance, there is bound to be some chaos.
In case you haven’t been lucky enough to witness wedding disaster, AskReddit is the perfect place to read up on stories that will make you thankful you are still single.
#1. We Are Gathered Here To Say Our Goodbyes
“I was officiating the second wedding of my friend’s parents and when it came time for them to read their vows the groom, thinking he was funny, started reading from the obituaries he had clipped from the paper. The bride was not pleased and it got real awkward for a second.”
#2. Drama With The Groom’s Mama
“Recently I went to a wedding of a childhood friend; we aren’t that close anymore but we’re on good terms. She’s Chinese American, married a white guy from New Orleans. Others in the bride’s party mentioned to me that it seems like there’s a bit of drama with the groom’s mom….and that they been getting the impression that this is the first time the groom’s parents have really interacted with Asians….and I heard the groom’s mom tried talking him out of this marriage. I’ve known the couple for a few years and they are great together and really match. He defended his bride all the way to the mom.
Faux Pas: the groom’s mom and her family talking loudly, at the wedding/reception, about how the marriage isn’t going to last. Them taking bets about how long they think they will be together before the ‘inevitable’ divorce.”
#3. A Classy Event
“Bride was shit faced and climbed under the head table and proceeded to suck her new hubbies dick. Later that night she passed out in between the elevator and lobby…her tits had popped completely out of her vomit covered dress. At the end of the night the groom had to open envelopes from wedding gifts to scrape together the money to pay the limo driver. My date and I went up to his grooms men’s hotel room where we saw the groom and his friends shooting heroin while his wife lay naked on the bed completely out cold. It was quite an event.”
#4. LOOK AT ME!!
“Drunk girl grabbed the microphone from the bride and slurred a teary, broken speech to the awestruck guests. 300 person wedding. Expensive, classy affair. The words of the speech were about how great the bride was but the purpose of the speech was to say “LOOK AT ME!”. Other things this woman has done at weddings: dressed inappropriately (ladies, there is nothing morally wrong with you dressing how you like but at a wedding please try to consider the likelihood of nip slips/cooter flashing when at a classy affair) and more or less lap danced with the groom, is a repeat offender for nip slips, tried to drive home drunk, passed out in the bathroom, started fights, and stolen dates. She is getting married soon. I briefly entertained the notion of showing up at her wedding and doing all the things she did to others. The woman is a walking faux pas.”
#5. So Three Priests Walk Into A Bar…
“Priest was hand picked by the couple because the bride worked with him at the Archdiocese. He is an hour late, and keeps getting the couple’s names wrong. He is walking with braces and crutches, and he keeps making handicapped jokes.
#6. Run Away Sister
“The last wedding I photographed, the sister just got incredibly drunk. I felt really bad because it honestly seemed like she had a severe drinking problem because she was absolutely off her rocker in the way someone on crack would be. She was shoeless, screaming, barfing, and spitting at people and bawling outside the reception hall where my work partner and I were taking our dinner break at the time. This was maybe one hour after the ceremony had ended, and there was ZERO liquor allowed at that particular venue. Eventually she ended up in the gravel parking lot, still screaming and crying. She lost her balance several times and fell face first into the gravel twice. Last I saw her, she was sitting up against the car surrounded by 3 or 4 people and just crying before they loaded her into the back seat to pass out. Two hours later my partner and I came out for a smoke break and overheard that she had escaped and people were looking for her…”
#7. Hot Mama
“At my sister’s wedding reception, her new MIL got pretty wasted. She was complaining about the way her wrap skirt was fitting, so she opened it up completely at the edge of the dance floor and flashed my aunt. When she went outside to smoke she started chatting up some random 20 yr olds who were also out there smoking and invited them into the reception to join her at the open bar. Those guys then started trying to grind on the 12-14 yr old girls that were dancing at the reception and had to be strong armed to leave.”
#8. Racism Is Alive And Well
“The father of the bride started his toast with, ‘When I heard my daughter was engaged to a negro I said to myself, Oh no!’ He then proceeded to list every black stereotype he was afraid his new son in law would have. He ended the toast with, ‘But Son in Law proved me wrong. Son in Law taught me that some negroes are okay.’ Then there was a lot of kissing and clapping from the Bride and her family. It was sooooo fucking awful. The Groom’s family was mostly silent, except for the father of the groom who was angrily mumbling ‘Negro?!’ for the rest of the night.”
#9. NASCAR or Die
“The mother of the bride is, apparently, a huge Nascar fan. She made sure to let the bride and groom know at the rehearsal dinner that she would have to leave the reception early so she could watch the race. Sure as shit, she left the reception hall mid-way through the meal. Pretty surprising stuff, because I’ve known the bride since grade school and she’s always been a pretty classy girl.”
#10. Let’s Make This Legal!
“I don’t know if it’s considered a faux-pas, but I was at a wedding once where they did the whole signing the marriage license in front of everybody thing at the end of the ceremony. The bride and one of the witnesses ended up signing the marriage license in the wrong place, so that the groom was briefly ‘married’ to the maid of honor, the bride’s best friend, until they could correct the mistake at the reception. They played it off as a funny accident but some of the bride’s older family members seemed pretty upset!”
#11. Just don’t…
“My mother got completely trashed and showed up at the door of our honeymoon suite wearing nothing but a bathmat. She then climbed into our bed and threw up in our garbage can. Don’t do that.”
#12. Makeshift Dildos
“In 7th grade, I went to my old 4th grade teacher’s wedding. The maid of honor got plastered and proceeded to give a very…inappropriate speech. It was a while ago, so I don’t remember all the details, but one of the incidents recounted in the speech was my ex-teacher using a golf club to imitate a dong.”
#13. Who Says You Can Only Wear Your Wedding Dress Once?
“The groom’s cousin had got married at the start of wedding season, then had her strapless off-white wedding dress shortened to knee length. She wore it at several weddings that summer, including at least two at which the bride was also wearing a strapless off-white gown. “
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