Honey, did you empty the dishwasher yet…?
How many times have you heard that in your life, fellas?
And ladies, how often have you told your husband something very specific to do…and five minutes later he stares at you with a blank look on his face and his mouth hanging wide open because he was never listening in the first place?
I’m talking about the joys of marriage here, people!
And these posts really nail them down, as you’re about to see.
Are you ready for a few laughs at the expense of marriage in general?
Let’s take a look!
1. I think he’s at the wolf store.
And he’s been lying to you.
Wife: Where are you
Me: The store
W: Don't lie to me
W: I saw the internet history
M: *hangs up* pic.twitter.com/CbhMqKVGkq
— Derry Murbles (@hardlyrelevant) May 25, 2016
2. Over and over and over again.
But hey, that’s life!
Marriage is just forwarding each other semi relevant news articles and asking “Did you read that article I sent my you?” until one of you dies.
— BreakingDad (@erichwithach) January 17, 2020
3. Keeping it very sexy!
That was HOT.
wife: Do that thing I like
me *uses a coaster*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 30, 2017
4. Taught him a lesson.
I bet he won’t annoy you anymore.
My husband annoyed me last night so I adjusted the toaster settings slightly this morning.
— Just J (@junejuly12) March 4, 2020
5. What a monster you are.
She’ll get her revenge somehow…
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I blow out her scented candles when she’s not looking.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) February 28, 2020
6. Are you okay?
A very suspicious household…
My husband almost fell down the stairs and now we are in a heated debate as to whether my gasp was out of fear for his safety or excitement about a possible life insurance payout.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) May 10, 2019
7. It’s gonna get ugly.
Watch your back, sir.
I think my wife discovered that I opened a new bag of chips before the old one was finished. Shit might go down tonight.
— The Dad #BLM Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) October 23, 2019
8. Lifelong bachelors.
I don’t think any women would have put up with that.
You know neither of the Wright Brothers were ever married, because imagine telling your wife you really need to focus on building your magic flying machine. Yeah, nope.
— SexBreakfast 🇨🇦 (@sexbreakfast365) January 28, 2020
9. That’s enough of that!
No more happiness under this roof!
Sheesh RT @ZingHurler: My wife's superpower is observing when I'm happy and putting a stop to that nonsense .
— FUCK Critics (@DJSuchandSuch) September 12, 2018
10. Try something else, maybe…
I thought that was pretty good, actually.
Therapist: What might you say to your husband next time you’re having this communication issue?
Me: I’m sorry your parents never taught you to use your big boy words but that is not my job so get it together
— VodkaAndStringCheese (@VodkaAndCheeze) March 3, 2020
11. Whoopsy daisy.
This happens all the time, doesn’t it?
Husband just asked me if I'm sitting on the remote, which is super offensive because I think I'd fucking notice if I were sitting on the oops nevermind there it is I was sitting on it.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 19, 2020
12. You son of a bitch!
Time to go to counseling.
My husband came home with pizza sauce on his collar and no pizza and now I know what it’s like to be cheated on.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 28, 2019
13. That sums it up!
I bet you do the same thing!
My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.
And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020
You know the drill…now we want to hear what you have to say!
In the comments, tell us about the funniest or most infuriating thing your husband or wife has done recently.
We can’t wait to hear your stories.