It’s been so long and I know you’ve been holding out for The One…
And by “The One”, I mean the 12 hilarious tweets that are gonna make your heart go all pitter-patter.
Do you hear those lovebirds in the air?
Now is the time! Let’s do this!
1. He was a sociopath.
I wonder if he’s still out there…
Remember. Kevin McCallister could have phoned the police at any time. He was a child who had accidentally been left alone. One call and he would have been safe. But it was never about safety. He was hunting those men. He wanted them to die. It was fun for him. He enjoyed it.
— Trevor Moore (@itrevormoore) December 26, 2018
2. I like this idea!
This is very rare, indeed.
just got a calendar invite from my boss titled “quick chat – good thing” and I have never been more grateful/impressed with anyone in my life. a workplace revolutionary tbh
— sophie, a snowpea (@mysteryspoons) December 15, 2021
3. Yeah, dummy!
That’s not helping.
my therapist: be kinder to yourself!
my brain: yeah be kinder to yourself you fucking idiot
— kristofer thomas (@kristoferthomas) December 15, 2021
4. Sounds awesome!
Can you get me in?!?!
New York’s hottest club is the rapid covid test line. This place has everything: 3 hour wait times, a double parked car with it’s alarm going off, 2+ crying babies, an old white dad saying “THIS IS RIDICULOUS” every 5 minutes, a construction site blowing sawdust on everyone
— katie jo(hantgen) (@katiejoyofosho) December 16, 2021
5. I’m here for this.
Let’s make it happen!
no new years resolutions. it is the circumstances turn to improve
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) December 16, 2021
6. Never a good idea.
I haven’t called anyone in 15 years.
Every time I answer the phone, I’m like “why did I do that”
— Queen Kitten ? (@ElaniKitten) December 16, 2021
7. You never know.
This is a good idea!
Sometimes I just yell at things because it’s the future and I don’t know what is voice activated
— Brooke Knisley (@BrookeKnisley) December 16, 2021
8. What’s better?
The jury is out…
explaining to my mom that getting married is harder now bc while boomer men would fully commit then cheat on you, millennial men will literally just hit you up once a month until you die
— dana bad (@baddanadanabad) December 16, 2021
9. Text me!
I might even reply!
Time to start texting every man I know to see if they wanna be exclusive for the next 6-8 weeks
— Molly Kornfeld (@molly_kornfeld) December 16, 2021
10. What a weird world.
Hang on tight!
Amazing vibes right now as we all ignore that it’s 60 degrees in mid-December and everyone we know is sick while we still have to send our little emails and show up to our little events
— Kimberly ??♀️ Dinaro? (@KimberDin) December 16, 2021
11. Sounds like a terrible idea.
whenever i feel my anxiety getting worse i drink a big coffee and go on social media so i can try for a new high score
— tony ferraro (@tony_ferraro7) December 15, 2021
12. What a country!
We’re number one!
love living in america and checking the crack in my tooth every morning to make sure today is not the day i’m going to have to randomly spend seven thousand dollars
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) December 15, 2021
Now it’s your turn.
Make us laugh in the comments with some funny tweets.
Thanks in advance!