6 y/o nephew: “Uncle Mike why you don’t have a wife?”

Me: “I’m gay.”

Nephew: “What that mean?”

Me: “I like men not women.”

Nephew: *silence*…….”So why don’t you have a husband?”

Me: pic.twitter.com/vP4eZPTqXB

— The Last ? (@JuSLIKEMIKE911) March 26, 2019

Just learned our 9y/o did an experiment on us. Lost tooth, told no one for 3d, kept tooth under his pillow. No $. Then he tells us he lost the tooth, next night there is money under his pillow. Then confronted us with his scientific evidence that the tooth fairy isn’t real.

— Rogue Dad, M.D. (@RogueDadMD) April 23, 2018

My niece wants to know: if she donates her hair to Locks of Love, and the recipient of her hair commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will her DNA be found all over the crime scene and thus incriminate her?

She’s 12.

— Phil Nobile Jr. (@PhilNobileJr) November 24, 2017

My school sent out a warning about cougar sightings & some kid replied this to the entire school ?? pic.twitter.com/JjwhKRk4BM

— Lolo? (@laureenmarie_) April 8, 2018

My eight-year-old is battling her uncle in a prank war. Last night she delivered this devastating blow. pic.twitter.com/AxrqP4aAU2

— Ryan Perry (@rynprry) February 18, 2019

For the last few days, I have been sending out emails to school, businesses, business partners, etc with the name “DeezNutzz” courtesy of my 13 year old son. Apologies to those people ??‍♀️
This is going to be a very, very long month. How early is too early to start drinking? pic.twitter.com/X6MsmmQlW9

— Christina Marleau (@c_marleau) March 17, 2020

Lmaooooo in my Zoom lecture the prof asked if anyone had any questions and one kid used the ‘Raise Hand’ feature. Prof calls on him and he has the nerve to say ‘No sorry I was just stretching’ ?????

— Hana ? (@frluckaj) April 9, 2020

I collect all cell phones and iPads from the kids at night and keep them in my room.

Last night those little ***holes all set alarms to go off at various times throughout the night.

I’m impressed with their ingenuity and team effort.

They’re all grounded.

— The OG Devil’s Agvocate ?? (aka Michelle) (@MGigger) March 13, 2018

My youngest hacked our Netflix parental code. She put light grease on the remote and got me to input the code when she wasn’t looking. Then she noted the numbers I’d pressed and went through the combinations later. I’m both frightened and impressed.

— Ed O’Loughlin (@edoloughlin) September 6, 2020