I love listening to boasters/braggers/liars. It doesn’t annoy me at all, I think it’s hilarious. It’s actually one of my favorite pastimes. Just keep egging ’em on and you’ll be regaled with incredible tales all night long (especially at a bar).
These folks from AskReddit share the most absurd things they ever heard people brag about. Prepare to be blown away…
Was having a few pints with the Mrs. and overheard a young lady talking about how she got “SO WASTED” last night. Turns out she got in her car then smashed up a parked car, knocked down a stop sign and turfed her neighbors lawn.
So I chatted her up, found out that she did all this in the city where I conveniently serve as a police officer. Convinced her to sit with my wife and I for a while while we picked her brain about her “CRAZY NIGHT.”
Meanwhile I called up a few “friends” to come join us. Detectives. Turns out her little crime spree caused $50k in damage.
2. This actually is impressive (to me)
When my friend was 11 years old he drove 40 minutes to a Gamestop to buy Assassins Creed when it was released. His parents never found out.
3. Genius level
Having an IQ of 95. That’s right, almost a perfect 100.
4. The future of this country is bright
Far too many of my students brag about never having read an entire book. I quickly inform them they should be humiliated by, not proud of, this fact.
5. No one cares
I brag that I can say the alphabet backwards but no one ever seems to care.
6. Life goals
I have a friend who claimed that he had never lost a single game of Blitz for N64. He believed that amongst all of the completely random turnovers and overall craziness of that game, in all of his years of playing, he had NEVER lost. He lost the second game he played that night. Didn’t take it too well.
7. These folks are the worst
I dislike when people brag about ignorance. One guy I know does this all the time. He’ll talk about how he doesn’t know where China is on a map of the world, about how he doesn’t know the name of our prime minister (!!!), about how he’s proud that he doesn’t use your/you’re and their/there/they’re correctly, and other such things. He’ll say that knowing things about geography, politics, grammar or what have you are only for “losers”. Ugh.
Unfortunately, this was me when I was about 10 or 11:
“It won’t be that easy to fool me. I was almost a spelling bee champion.”
The amount of hair they have on their butt. My friend has a lot of body hair, I won’t deny it. But he lets everybody know about it. The worst part he brags about is his butt hair. He has to get naked before pooping to maximize his leg spread. He has to wipe beforehand so his hair is out of the way before he poops. Otherwise he gets dingleberries or hanging chads (whatever you call them) every poop. He brags about this as if it isn’t an annoying aspect to life.
10. Something to brag about
Girl at work brags constantly about having a lot of allergies – to gluten, eggs, lactose, blah blah blah. If there’s one thing on Earth that wasn’t put here to kill her, she doesn’t know about it. But when she explains her allergies to anyone who will listen, she doesn’t go into any detail about it, rather just explains it as “I am really allergic to honey. Like, REALLY allergic.” “I am really allergic to bananas. Like, REALLY allergic.”
11. I’ve met people like this
I play in an adult kickball league. There is this dude who takes it way too serious. Every time we play his team I call him Captain Kickball. One game he got super pissed and started yelling bout how he knows how to play the best. It was priceless. Tool.