Dads can say the darndest things.
Moms too. I mean, they call them ‘dad stories,’ but I know at least a couple of moms that have a pretty good grasp on the BS machine.
I don’t think it’s ever really done in malice. But when you answer up to 1,000 questions in a day, you might start to veer into the absurd at some point. You’ve got to entertain yourself somehow, after all.
The following 18 AskReddit stories are prime examples:
1. The Force Foot
My 5 year old actively believes I can use the force. Been shutting doors with my foot while waving my hands at them. Hasn’t caught on yet.
2. “Bug Eggs”
My dad convinced my brother and I that black pepper was actually “bug eggs”. I believed it until I told a group of friends this when I was FIFTEEN, as if it was a fact that they somehow had never known, and they all looked at me like a total idiot. Googled it, not bug eggs.
My parents convinced my sister and I that it was illegal to talk in the car.
Worked on my sister until she was about 10.
I told my nephew that if he fed the seagulls they were then obligated to poop on him. It didn’t matter how far away he was or if he hid, they would follow him for the rest of his life until they pooped on him. I honestly have no idea how long he believed this for but it was at least the length of his sisters ball game.
5. Rabbit’s Tale
My dad told me that if you put salt on a rabbit’s tail it couldn’t move. It was his way of wearing us out because we would chase the rabbits around trying to shake salt on them.
6. “Now where’s that receipt?”
This was actually my mom, but she told me she bought me at Kmart til i was like 6. When ever she was mad she’d start looking for the receipt. I was never worried though, I knew how easy they were to lose.
7. Dino Fighter
My dad has this weird scar on his hip/side. When we were little he said it was from fighting a dinosaur. Then it was from fighting a bear when we called him out on the dinos.
It was from putting a piece of coral in the waistband of his swim trunks when snorkeling for a keepsake, turned out to be fire coral.
My dad convinced me there was an “ah woo gah” button in his car. Whenever I would press to button he yelled “ah woo gah.” I had no idea it was him for longer than I care to admit to…
When my little ones were 4 and 2 and a half I accidentally reversed over their beloved but much abused dog Steg (short for Stegosaurus (I know…. I know…)). I quickly had her cremated but told them she had been recruited by a talent scout to star in dog movies. They were sad to hear that but happy that she was about to be a star. For several years we watched all kinds of those terrible films in the hopes of spotting her, and apparently we did see her a couple of times to their delight. I was less delighted to be watching these films, and looking back years later I’m not sure the days of my life spent watching them was worth hiding her death. But what’s done is done and perhaps they are happier, healthier, more hopeful young adults because of it.
10. The Elusive Haggis
My dad convinced me that a haggis was a real animal. I spent a few holidays in Scotland looking intently out the car window desperate to spot one.
He told me that they had 6 legs but one side of their legs was shorter than the other so to catch them haggis hunters chased them the wrong way round the mountain.
I remember being slightly suspicious of the 6 legs bit but I never wavered in my faith that a haggis was real.
I was an embarrassingly mature age when I was told it was a lie.
Edit: I’m pleased to see other kids knew of the haggis legend. I now have an 18 month old and I fully intend to continue with the tradition!
11. The Invisible Hand
We have those “walk” lights in our town which show a timer that counts down to zero, when the light will change. I told my kids that if you are caught in the crosswalk when the timer gets to zero a large mechanical hand will swoop down and scoop you up and put you on the sidewalk. They always made sure they were across before the light changed. (They now claim they never really believed me, but I have my doubts.)