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15 Christmas Albums That Will Ruin Your Holiday Cheer

Photo Credit: Vintage Everyday

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Are you sick of the same boring Christmas songs year after year after year? I know I am! Why not shake it up with some of these lesser known, much weirder albums from decades past? No, they don’t have the charm of a Nat King Cole or a Mariah Carey singing the classics, and yes, they will probably leave you feeling disaffected and vaguely upset. But at least they’re different!

Isn’t it time you gave yourself a gift?

 

1. Charlie The Hamster Sings Christmas Songs with Floyd Robinson

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What does Charlie the Hamster want for Christmas? A hamster wheel. What does Floyd Robinson want? A new agent.

2. Mistress for Christmas

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AC/DC is working on a follow-up album called “Our Wives And Kids No Longer Speak To Us At Christmas (Or Any Other Time)”

3. The Last Month Of The Year

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Have none of these men heard of ear wax candling? Or even just Q-tips? There’s got to be a better way, fellas.

4. Klappa pa!

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Who’s looking forward to a visit from Savory Santa? He’s got plenty of sodium and rendered hog fat for everyone!

5. Nuttin’ For Christmas and Suzy Snowflake

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Coincidentally, “Nuttin’ for Christmas” is also the name of a 2003 holiday hip hop album by Lil’ Jon. Featuring the hit singles “Let It Skeet” and “White Christmas”

6. Harry Secombe’s Christmas Cheer

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This album was recorded by Harry, accompanied by the many children he keeps in his basement.

7. Prettige Kerstdagen

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Jan Gorissen looks like a mall Santa at a mall that closed eight years ago.

8. Happy Christmas Party: The Best Of Ben Best

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No-

body

will no-

tice the hy-

phen in the ti-

tle be-

cause of the na-

ked la-

dy on the co-

ver.

9. Hi-Fi Christmas Party

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Dear god, what happened to Santa’s legs?! Was he fused together with a giant stocking in some sort of nightmarish science experiment? Ho Ho kill me!

10. Christmas With Kiro

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According to the Dutch tradition, Kiro is the brother of Kris Kringle. If you’ve been a good girl or boy, on December 22nd he puts a little crystal meth in your shoes.

11. A Ding Dong Dandy Christmas

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It was their first Christmas since Mary convinced Richard to try polyamory. He’s mostly fine with it!

12. Stan And Doug Just Go Nuts At Christmas

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Clearly it was Stan’s turn to use the Sex Clown.

13. A Colt 45 Christmas

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Nothing’s weird about this one. That’s a perfectly acceptable stocking stuffer.

14. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth

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Since he’s gotten his two front teeth, this boy would now like corrective eye surgery.

15. God Jul Onskar

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Margret appears to be dealing with a nasty case of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Get yourself a sun lamp, Margret!

 

 

h/t: Vintage Everyday