Gauging someone’s interest as a romantic partner is tricky under the best of circumstances. For everyone but the most confident, coming right out and saying you like someone is unimaginably terrifying. Instead, the plan is usually to indirectly communicate your feelings being vague enough that you can deny all of it later should you need to.
And that’s just under the best circumstances. Now imagine you’re trying to woo someone who’s totally oblivious to even the most obvious signals. Even if you put a big sign around your neck that says “Please date me! I’m desperate!” they still wouldn’t get it.
In a recent Ask Reddit thread, a Redditor asked the women of Reddit to share the most obvious signals that hapless dudes still somehow missed. They had a lot of responses. (And some were from guys who missed a signal, too.) It’s true that sometimes people can flirt too subtly, but that’s not the case here. There are some truly clueless gentlemen out there, and it’s amazing anyone has ever managed to reproduce.
1. Sometimes you miss a hint. Other times you miss an explicit invitation.
“This is a hint a girl dropped for me:
Girl: ‘Hey ;)’ Me: ‘hi’ Girl: ‘I’m home alone, wanna come over?’ Me: ‘uh it’s sort of cold out’ Girl: ‘oh’
Didn’t even think about it until i was laying in bed that night.” – Saigeman123
2. Priorities.
After a conversation with my boyfriend about not being obvious enough when trying to initiate sex, I decided to entice him by posing naked on the corner of the bed and seductively whispering ‘Hey, you’ as he walked in the room.
His reaction? He walks in the room, gives me a bro nod, and says, ‘Hey, babe! I gotta poop.’
We did NOT end up having sex that night.” coffeeisheroin
3. Do you know how much dry cleaning costs?!
“Early interaction with my boyfriend-
Me: ‘That suit looks great on you. It would look better on the floor.’
Him: ‘That would wrinkle the suit.'” – Truffleshuffled
4. Don’t waste water.
“I was living with my then-boyfriend a few years ago. Feeling a little flirtatious, I suggested we could take a shower together, you know, to save water, wink wink.
His response? ‘Why? We don’t pay for water.'” – Eternally_Curious
5. Is there something different about you?
“I have a pole in my living room. so one day i dressed like a school girl and waited for my boyfriend to get home. he walks in and i started doing some pole tricks and he literally walked past me into the bedroom to change.. i was like ‘uh hellllooooo im trying to get laid’ and he said ‘Oh i just thought you were dressed like that.'” – bongs_n_roses
6. Light my fire.
“My current boyfriend and I started out in this weird friends that flirt stage. I was trying to find a way to get him to make a move. One very hot evening (middle of august) we were sitting in his backyard with a few of our friends drinking beer. I sat on the SAME lawn chair as him, kind of wiggled in, and said “I’m cold”.
He left me alone in the chair and proceeded to build a giant fire. It took like an hour. When he was finished making the fire he sat back down in a DIFFERENT lawn chair.” – ironmanwannabegirl
7. Gimme some skin.
“Put out my hand for him to hold and he high fived me.” – emk0626
8. CANNONBALL!
“Last summer I was doing my best to seduce my current boyfriend. We were going swimming at a friend’s house, and while they were changing into their bathing suits in the house, me and him make our way to the pool.
I take advantage of this moment to strip in front of him, as sensual as possible. (Bathing suit was underneath my clothes.)
He runs past me, full sprint, and cannonballs into the pool.” – 8BitBirb
9. Never get between a man and his Levi’s.
“I was staying the night at a female friend’s house. I had a huge crush on her and it was the first night sleeping in the same bed.
Her: Just so you know, jeans aren’t allowed in my bed. You have to take the off.
Me: Hahaha that’s a dumb rule keeps them on” – Czar-Fox
10. The eyes are the windows to the soul.
“Hitting on my now boyfriend of three years. I was complimenting him on how handsome he was and how he had beautiful eyes. I wanted a closer view of them so he texted me this creepy ass shot of his eyeball with his eye as widely opened as possible. He legitimately thought that’s what I wanted. After our first date, I immediately started talking about potential future dates and how much fun I had with him. I stayed out so late that I missed my friends party. However, because I didn’t hug him properly and asked to split the cost of the meal, he thought I wasn’t actually interested.” – HelloPanda22
11. When you got a great futon, you wanna make use of it.
“Him: ‘I dont want to pressure you, but it’s pretty late and I think you should spend the night. My couch is super comfortable and I can make it up for you if you’d like.’
Me: ‘Maybe I could sleep in your bed with you.’
Him: ‘I promise the couch isn’t bad.'” – Bloodwoodnewb
12. The seventh inning itch.
“We were married two full years before I finally understood that if she took a bath at night I was going to get some. Watched a lot of baseball while she lay sparkling clean in bed alone.” – via Reddit
13. Can’t compete with Domino’s.
“I stripped completely naked, played sexy music and started rubbing his shoulders.
He didn’t even turn around and just asked if I wanted to order pizza for dinner…” – VeedleDee
14. Everyone loves a group outing.
“Want to see a movie with me?”
“Sure! Who else is going?” – Reddit
15. Sometimes, you can’t take any chances.
“Not exactly an answer to the Q but related.
I was dating a guy who told me upfront that he was terrible at picking up the signs that someone liked him, was flirting, etc. So on our third (?) date, we planned that he would stay the night at my place. I thought that was pretty obvious, but just to make sure, I put a bunch of condoms on a platter on the bed, with notes all around it, pointing to the platter that said ‘This is a sign!’ He thought it was hilarious. We had sex. It was awesome.” – Old_but_New
h/t: College Humor