Consider the following scenario: you have two friends with upcoming birthdays, and you only have time to buy them one gift. One of your friends is an insomniac, and the other is a pervert. What single gift could possibly satisfy these two very different individuals? It’s an impossible task.
OR SO YOU THINK.
Because now there’s a product that’s great for bad sleepers and pervs alike: The Buttress Pillow, a pillow that’s shaped like an actual butt.
The Buttress Pillow is described as the world’s first “true butt” pillow. It’s the brainchild of Philadelphia-based Jiayang “Jia” Guo. Jia’s day job is a director of sales for an e-commerce company, but his real passion is the posterior. And apparently he’s onto something–his 2018 Kickstarter for The Buttress Pillow raised a whopping $18,693, surpassing its goal.
The people of the Internet have spoken, and they want to sleep on butts.
Now, the first question you probably had when you saw this article was, “Why does this even exist?”
It all started when Jia had a simple realization: sleeping would be a lot more fun if you could use a butt as a pillow. You can probably imagine a couple flaws in this plan: one, talking your partner into it, and two, the farts.
With sleeping on a real butt looking increasingly unlikely, Jia had an idea.
“Light bulb!” Jia wrote on Kickstarter. “How many people in this world like butts? Even children’s movies like Minions or Sing feature butts and the kids love it. How many more people would benefit from having a beautiful life size butt nearby as they are laying down getting ready for sleep? To sleep on, to hold, to rest their hand on our even bury their faces in!”
Allow Jia to demonstrate:
Of course, The Buttress Pillow isn’t just a pillow shaped like a butt. It’s also designed to help you sleep better. If you think about an ergonomic pillow, the shape is already similar to a butt when viewed from the side. Observe this highly scientific illustration:
So it’s not much of a stretch to just make the whole pillow into a butt. The company claims that The Buttress Pillow is perfect whether you sleep on your back, your side, or facedown. That’s because the “sweet spot” between the butt and the thighs cradles your head and supports your neck.
In addition to being ergonomic, The Buttress Pillow is made from all-natural latex, harvested from tree sap–which means it won’t cause problems for people who are irritated by memory foam. It’s “biodegradable, eco-friendly, and ethically made,” if that’s your thing.
Even better, The Buttress Pillow’s legs are flexible, meaning you can dress it up however you want.
The Buttress Pillow weighs 5lbs, and measures in at 15 inches x 14 inches x 8 inches. It’s currently in its second edition, which is softer, and it comes with a silky inner cover, a yoga short outer cover. You also get a keychain and stickers. All of this is available for the highly fitting price of $69.
If you’re still somehow unconvinced, check out these testimonials from actual customers, who agreed to let the company use their full names for some reason:
“Puts head and neck at perfect alignment in multiple sleeping or relaxing positions. I used to have a lot of neck problems from sleeping wrong but not since I have had this pillow” – Donald Carothers
“Fantastic pillow! Very supple, but firm; comfortable to lay on while playing video games and looks VERY cute with the pair of panties I bought for it!” – Zack Meyers
“Since receiving my buttress, my deep sleep has increased an entire hour on average.. it’s the greatest“- Shawn Montgomery
The Buttress Pillow is a truly 21st century product that couldn’t exist without the Internet. It’s a great time to be alive, whether you’re an insomniac or a lonely weirdo or both!