As much as you love your kids, you know that once in a while, you want them out of your sight for a little while. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll take them back eventually, but a little respite is sometimes in order.
These parents are definitely at that stage.
You know when you’ve plugged your phone into a charger only to discover the charger wasn’t ever plugged into an outlet therefore your phone actually hasn’t been recharged at all?
That’s what going to sleep for the night as a parent is like.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) November 15, 2018
2. That’s how it goes
First time parent: “I really don’t like when you do that.”
Second time parent: “YOU’RE BEING A DICK.”
— Doc Octopussy ? (@DocOctopussy) November 5, 2018
3. Sounds awesome
Let's get married and have kids so instead of going to happy hour you can make a boxed dinner while I figure out common core math homework.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 13, 2018
Men naming their sons after them is a classic case of slapping your name on a completed project after someone else did all the work
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) March 23, 2019
5. End of an era
Tattoo Artist: So why April 14, 2007? Birth of your first child?
Me: Haha no…the day before.
— EdelBrice ? (@StranDadAbroad) March 28, 2019
6. Could work
Thinking about starting a business where I pick up parents from their homes, hand them a bottle of wine, drive them to an open field and let them scream at the top of their lungs for 20 minutes before dropping them back off at home.
Million dollar idea.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 8, 2019
7. It’s all over now
When you have kids, a three-day weekend is nothing but a painful reminder of what you've lost.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 13, 2019
8. No more peace
Remember when you used to be able to pull into your drive way and just sit and listen to a song or two before you got out of the car?
Well you can’t fucking do that when you have kids, say goodbye to your peace forever.
— Doc Octopussy ? (@DocOctopussy) March 21, 2019
9. They’re in charge
My 4yo makes a lot of demands for someone who can’t drive and has no money.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) March 31, 2019
10. A negotiator is needed
The tea party my toddler invited me to feels more like a hostage situation.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 5, 2017
11. Money well spent
Pumpkin patches, so you can pay $50 for kids activities like “here, pet this goat” and “chip your tooth in this overcrowded bouncy house.”
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) October 19, 2018
12. No, no you’re not
If you’ve never turned the volume on your car stereo up to drown out the sounds of your kids, are you really even a parent?
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 12, 2019
13. Nice to hear
I’m tired of hearing new moms always say their baby is “such a good baby.” Just once, I wanna hear a mom be like, “Yeah, no, my baby’s a real dick.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 11, 2019
14. That’s all the fun you can have
I never thought my spouse & I would argue over who “gets” to leave the house to pick up milk, but this is what parenthood does to you, people.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 11, 2018
Parents, we feel your pain…