I don’t think I’m telling you anything you don’t know, but dating can be a real drag.
You invest a lot of time in someone and then find out they’re a total psychopath. Or you go out on a blind date and it turns out to be the longest, most dreadful night of your life.
These tweets will at least make you laugh through your misery.
1. A perfect tweet
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) August 2, 2013
2. Doesn’t even know you exist
me thinking of someone who wants literally nothing to do with me https://t.co/B84jHibZzu
— ++♡? (@sparkIy) April 2, 2019
3. On point
Dating guys in their 20s is an unpaid internship
— cecilia (@waple_cyrup) November 28, 2018
4. Oh snap!
So I’m @ the bank waiting in line & the guy in front of me is spitting game to the teller, she’s laughing & he’s attractive so I can tell she’s digging it, he asks her if he can take her out and she says “with what? The whole $11.96 you got in your account?” SON, my chest ?
— B. (@Ticklemelili) January 26, 2018
5. Very impressive
Me *orders our food fluently in Italian to impress my date*
McDonalds drive-thru employee: what
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 12, 2018
6. You’re very interesting
me talking to men with zero personality pic.twitter.com/dLgrlcIiYG
— nickntv on twitch ♡ ?️? (@NickNMedia) April 22, 2018
7. That is amazing
My flight was delayed 3 hours so I was doing what any human does when they’re bored. Minding my own business swiping through tinder & the guy behind me goes “ouch hard no for that one?” And I turn around ONLY TO SEE THE MAN I JUST SWIPED NO ON BEHIND ME HAHAHA
— tay (@Taylor_Stag) November 26, 2018
*waits 12 minutes to reply after being ignored for 2 days*
i DID tHAT honey !! he is SHOOK to the core !! a taste of his own medicine !!! pic.twitter.com/PNvQTbSSTO
— lil nas x stan account (@ActuallyGina) May 28, 2018
9. Uh oh
When you go to your Girlfriends parents house for the first time… pic.twitter.com/0byaGY0VDN
— Crap Taxidermy (@CrapTaxidermy) January 22, 2015
10. Totally chilling
This bumble claw crane with no prizes is a chilling metaphor pic.twitter.com/cdcuW3eSVJ
— Hannah Murphy (@dumb_hannah) May 30, 2018
11. You’re ruining everything
i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) August 4, 2018
so no one told you life was gonna be this way pic.twitter.com/V6FnrtENtE
— dreamghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) June 25, 2018
13. That’s the goal
Why doesn’t anybody love me the way people on Catfish love strangers who won’t video chat
— Michaela Okland (@MichaelaOkla) July 11, 2018
14. That’ll show ’em!
Instead of blocking your ex, become such a disaster online that everyone makes fun of your ex for dating you
— Ritz ? (@edgyboynextdoor) March 24, 2019
15. And then it’s over
Dating is collecting information about someone until you realize you don't like them
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) September 17, 2013
Uggghhhhhhhh. Back to the drawing board. Again.