One of the greatest struggles in the history of human philosophy has been attempting to overlay a concept of justice onto a universe that, by all appearances, is chaotic and unjust.
What does this rather lofty thesis have to do with a bunch of dumb tweets? No worries, I’m getting there. Gotta put this expensive college degree to use somehow.
You see, as highly social animals who value cooperation, we have a basic need to see pain discouraged and joy encouraged. We need to know that those who inflict wrong on each other will pay a price for it, and those that do well by their fellow man will have reward.
But there are certain things that stand in the face of such a belief. Certain evils which, by their very continued existence, defy the idea that there is any significantly functional system of moral gatekeeping.
For instance, the things in these tweets. Things that, if there were any justice in the universe, would definitely not exist.
11. Peeps Flavored Pepsi
Note the unholy combination that laughs at nature.
https://twitter.com/ChrisTheScotian/status/1376424162726711296
10. Car Lashes
An attempt to humanize machine, which ironically results in a loss of humanity for us all.
https://twitter.com/RadicalGayLefty/status/1376408977723035648
9. These Things
Our sins are innumerable; our offenses endless.
Okay it's trending. Let's do this…I present you some of the most cursed things I've ever come across.#StuffThatShouldNotExist pic.twitter.com/AJY24HntKg
— CHAD: A Fallout 76 Podcast 🎙️ 🏳️🌈 900K Listens (@fchadfallout76) March 29, 2021
8. Socks with Sandals
It is as though we taunt the universe, daring it to act against us.
Socks with sandals. I don’t get this combination at all – if it’s cold, why not wear shoes with socks, I’d it’s hot, what’s up with socks? pic.twitter.com/DxLnLR5sHx
— Larissa Laresa (@SaucyWalker63) March 28, 2021
7. Food Flavored Cotton Candy
Sadism dressed as diversion – a cruelty without aim.
Food flavored cotton candy. Whyyyy?? #StuffThatShouldNotExist pic.twitter.com/c9dOer6z1a
— Linda (@Linda9180) March 29, 2021
6. This Mini Skirt
Surely the worst yet expression of a grotesque K-stan idolatry.
#StuffThatShouldNotExist
Mini skirts with baekhos face on it pic.twitter.com/PEbKsT8uNb— Sof ♡ (@nuestpancakes) March 29, 2021
5. The Baguette Pack
A symbol of futility – a mockery of our own faculties.
https://twitter.com/1wasbornachoker/status/1376547509108101120
4. Ham and Bananas Hollandaise
To so besmirch the very stuff that nourishes our bodies is to express a vengeful hate on our own biology.
Whatever the fuck is happening here #StuffThatShouldNotExist pic.twitter.com/GHQSpvuREk
— sighsqueen (@sighsqueen1) March 29, 2021
3. Murder Hornets
As though from the gaping maw of the underworld, summoned when hope was lowest.
Murder hornets #StuffThatShouldNotExist pic.twitter.com/ZewAxoi5rq
— Dan Levey (@iamdanlevey) March 28, 2021
2. This Tape Dispenser
There is laughter here, but it is hollow, and it is vile.
#StuffThatShouldNotExist this tape dispenser pic.twitter.com/nypSd9QS0Z
— Nacho (@asamples333) March 29, 2021
1. Mayo Ice Cream
An act of caucasity so extreme as to bring halt to the human project altogether.
Mayo ice cream.
Mayo. Freaking. Ice cream. pic.twitter.com/2zVWlejHM5
— 🏳️🌈 🄲🄷🄰🅁🄻🄸🄴 🏳️🌈 (@RedeemingEvil) March 29, 2021
Avert your eyes, oh ye innocent. It is better not to know of these.
What do you think shouldn’t exist?
Tell us in the comments.