I love being around compulsive liars. LOVE IT. For some reason it’s just hilarious to me, so I keep egging people on and on and on…
Hey, I don’t have a lot in this life, so give me a break, okay? I like to listen to people spout ridiculous BS. Someone recently threw out this question on Twitter and it was a pleasure reading the feedback.
TWITTER! What’s the best bullshit you’ve heard someone come out with?
I went to school with a lad who claimed his dad invented the phrase “No way José” and that they were still living off the royalties.
— Maisie Adam (@MaisieAdam) May 21, 2019
Here are some of the good responses.
1. Color deaf
My teacher when I was about 8 said he was colour deaf. He made us shout out names of colours and said he couldn’t hear us!
— Tammi Henderson (@Tammerson) May 22, 2019
2. The sacred donkey
When I was younger, my Grandad told me that our whole family are banned from Cyprus because he shot a sacred donkey there when he was in the army. Didn’t book to go to Ayia Napa with my pals just in case
— Rebecca Alice Smith (@BecAlSmith) May 21, 2019
3. Witness protection
I went to university with a girl who said she was supposed to go to Cambridge but she was in witness protection in Wolverhampton instead
— ?Helen uses rainbows to hide crippling depression (@givesyouHel) May 22, 2019
4. Sorry, can’t go there
I told my 3 year old son that my car had a special chip in it that made it impossible for me to steer it to McDonalds. He’s 30 now and is still a bit put out by it ?
— Ofbirdsongatnight (@Ofbirdsongatni1) May 21, 2019
That the Latin name for A Daddy Longlegs was a Daddicus Longicus! I believed it for quite a while!! ??
— Leanne (@Leawilko3) May 22, 2019
6. We’re related
I told everyone in 7th grade Miley Cyrus was my cousin and a lot of people actually believed me
— bree (@luhvely) May 22, 2019
I told everyone all 3 Beastie Boys were my cousins. I was in 2nd grade and I’m Italian – Catholic. ?
— Nikka Bee (@_NikkaBee) May 23, 2019
8. That was a genius move
When I was about 9 years old, my friend Elliot claimed that his mum was the first to come up with the idea of opening her McDonalds polystyrene burger box and emptying her bag of fries into the top half. I believed him.
— Dan Herman (@DanielJHerman) May 22, 2019
9. She bought it
I told my daughter Katy that I invented the letter K in 1983. She went into school and told her teacher of my cleverness.
— Kenny Happy birthday to Who Smith (@FinishedZine) May 22, 2019
10. That’s a lot of dads
I had a girl who said she’d had 30 dads and came up with inventive ways they had all died … when questioned on the viability of her claim she would either burst into tears … or pull your hair.
— Eleanor Shannon (@EleShannon321) May 22, 2019
11. That’s a lot
a co-worker said she had
a) escaped hurricane Katrina on a surfboard
b) survived stage 4 brain, breast, uterine and skin cancer
c) stole a truck full of laboratory chimps and set them free in rural texas
— OrneryPiglett (@OrneryPiglett) May 22, 2019
12. Mouse kidneys
My sister convinced me that kidney beans were mouse kidneys. I picked them out of chili for years.
— Margaret Edwartowski (@MargTowski) May 22, 2019
13. Hook, line, and sinker
A lad in my school explained that the reason he was big was due to the fact he was born without lungs, so as a baby they had to transplant him some lungs. However the only ones available used to belong to Hulk Hogan. I had no reason to disbelieve this at the time.
— Woolich (@w00lich) May 22, 2019
14. Big inventor
A boy in my brother's class stated in all seriousness that his Nan invented sewing. My brother believed him whole heartedly.
— ??Eleanor?Parker?? (@EleanorParker24) May 21, 2019
15. They need jobs
A kid at school told me all tennis ballboys and girls were orphans who had to get a job.
— Alison Harvey (@noirchivist) May 22, 2019
Tell us your favorite BS stories you’ve heard in the comments! We’re in this together!