Look, it’s not every day you get to learn about an obscure 1970’s novelty underwear company, but then again this isn’t just any website.
Today, you can buy novelty underwear in almost any store, (if it’s a Spencer’s Gifts), but back in the 1970’s, the company British Bulldog pioneered the practice of printing funny, sexy messages on underwear, meant to give your bedroom sessions a little extra spice. Here is one of their ads, featuring models wearing British Bulldog underwear while attending some kind of what I can only assume is some kind of roller disco cocaine orgy:
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
British Bulldog is sadly no longer in existence. The only (easily Google-able) written record about the company is this newspaper article featuring their founder, Gary Walters. In your head, just picture “the owner of a 1970’s novelty underwear company.” Gary is exactly who you’re imagining.
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
British Bulldog might not be around any more, but without companies like it, we might not be able to buy underwear like this:
Photo Credit: Pinterest
I might have gone with “Wanna pizza this?” but then again I’m not in the novelty underwear industry.
The point is, British Bulldog deserves to be remembered, and to do that here are 15 of their best unisex underwear designs.
1. Ouch
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
There’s a reason why gun holsters aren’t built like this.
2. Just A Suggestion!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
This one honestly makes no sense to me. What is showing a disembodied hand reaching into a pair of undies supposed to say? “Hey, partner, this is what YOUR hand could be doing!”
I might be overthinking this novelty underwear thing, but I doubt it.
3. Topical!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
There’s no shortage of…what? Sex? I guess?
If they wanted to make a sexy reference a big news story from the 1970’s, they could have had a picture of Richard Nixon next to the Watergate hotel saying “I’d like to BREAK IN to your pants!”
4. Four Hour Limit
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
After four hours, you really should see a doctor.
5. Clever!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Here we have proof that this joke has been around since the 70’s, and like a zombie it refuses to die.
6. Um…
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Does Gary Walters not know what Number One also means?
7. New York, New York
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
In case you forgot what city your genitals are located in?
8. Zip It
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
What kind of garment is that hand unzipping? It can’t be underwear because underwear doesn’t have a zipper. Is it a…windbreaker?
9. Fire In My Pants
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Just a tip, but if you’re about to have sex, you probably don’t your partner thinking about a big burning sensation coming from your crotch.
10. Happy Anniversary!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Married people need novelty underwear, too. For a more authentic message, though, they could have gone with, “I don’t care if there’s a sleeping baby at the foot of our bed, I need to get LAID.”
11. Watch Out!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
I guess it’s a better than underwear that says “Yield to oncoming traffic.”
12. This Rules!
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It’s a ruler. And a…thermometer. What?
13. Did they even try with this one?
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It really feels like Gary Walters forgot he had one more underwear to design before sending them to the printer.
14. The Magic Lamp
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Something tells me Gary Walters has a poor understanding of female anatomy.
15. King Tut
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
“Good head”? That’s the best they could come up with for King Tut? How about…
“I’ve got a pyramid in my pants”
Or…
“You can plunder my tomb any time.”
Or…
“My love for you will last forever, just like a pharaoh’s mummified corpse.”
OK, maybe this is tougher than I thought.
h/t: Messy Nessy Chic