Hello, married folks! And maybe formerly married folks…
We’re here today to bring you yet another installment of hilarious marriage tweets that really get to the heart of that sacred union.
And by that, I mean you’re going to mostly see how annoyed and irritated people tend to get with their spouses.
Hey, what are you gonna do, right? It is what it is.
So let’s enjoy these marriage tweets together and they might even inspire you to write some of your own.
1. You might not want to wait too long on that one…
Just a word of advice.
My husband just texted me to bring him a plunger ASAP.
I should probably do that at some point today.— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 19, 2020
2. Ouch! My back!
Now that is HOT.
Wife and I are at that age where 98% of our moans in bed are just from the pain of actually moving.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 23, 2020
3. The story of your life.
I think that was a movie once…
Eyes Wide Shut
-My husband looking for literally anything anywhere— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 15, 2020
4. Let’s go down the list.
Does everyone just share one big list?
I have marriage counseling in 10 minutes quick give me a generic list of things I can blame my husband for
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) September 24, 2020
5. I don’t think you’re going to win this battle.
You live in a Buffalo Wild Wings now. Just accept it.
Really good football today so my husband is bringing in tvs from every room and putting them all over our den so now my house looks like a Buffalo Wild Wings.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 26, 2020
6. She’s really not gonna like this.
Let’s hope she doesn’t find it for a long time.
Just started a whole new box of random cords my wife doesn’t even know about.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 20, 2020
7. Oh, I’m not allowed to order anything?!?!
Well, that doesn’t seem fair.
My wife has been getting at least one package delivered to our house every day for the last seven months.
Today something came for me and in a judgmental tone she said "What did you order?"
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) September 21, 2020
8. Can 2020 please end soon?
This tweet pretty much sums it up.
My husband was in a virtual meeting but I needed something from the desk next to him, so I slid across the floor on my knees but everyone could see me anyway so they all just went quiet to watch me scooting across the floor on my knees and how is this year not over yet?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) September 21, 2020
9. Get ready for The Volume Wars.
The TV. The car radio. The stereo. All of it.
https://twitter.com/dadthatwrites/status/1306683114844950528?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1306683114844950528%7Ctwgr%5Eshare_3&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.huffpost.com%2Fentry%2Ffunniest-marriage-tweets-september-15-28_l_5f722b6ec5b6e99dc330ae59
10. That poor man.
There’s no way any women can understand the pain he’s going through.
Everyone please pray for my husband who has a small cut on his finger, put skin shield on it and is now complaining that it’s the most painful thing you can ever do. He can’t do this naturally. He needs an epidural.
— yelisa (@beingyelisa) September 22, 2020
11. Men only have two piles.
You know it’s true, guys!
Husbands be like, “These are the shirts my wife makes me wear in public and those are the shirts I’ve owned for 20 years that are in various stages of disintegration.“
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) September 27, 2020
12. Keeping things fresh and exciting.
What model are you thinking about?
My wife and I are currently researching and planning for an upcoming vacuum purchase if you were wondering how to keep things exciting during these unprecedented times.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 18, 2020
13. How did that happen?
Very interesting…
That’s weird. My husband’s autocorrect changes “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. You’re right.” into “K.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 20, 2020
14. You. You’re the problem.
Every man has heard this at some point.
[assembling furniture]
Wife: I found the problem.
Me: What?
Wife: You.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 20, 2020
Okay, now we want to hear from all of you out there!
In the comments, tell us some funny and/or infuriating stories about your spouses.
We can’t wait to hear from you! Thanks!