I know this might be hard to believe, but one of the most contentious parts of a marriage is CLEANING.
I’m talking about methods, techniques, the delegation of powers. It can actually get quite ugly.
Oh, you don’t believe me? Well, you’re about to see some tweets from married folks who’ve been there, done that, and battled in the trenches over cleanliness with their significant others.
Marriage is a serious commitment, but you better figure out if you’re handy with a mop and a sponge before you actually tie the knot.
Take this advice to heart, okay?
Now let’s take a look at the evidence.
1. Wouldn’t want them to see a mess.
That would be embarrassing.
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) April 5, 2017
2. Now she’s in the mood.
It’s gonna be a great night!
Wife: Wanna have sex?
Me: Mehhh, I dunno if I’m feeling it tonight
Wife: *Sends pic of a clean, empty sink*
Me: Your ass better be in that bed in 2 minutes.
— Lezz Mom? (@lezzimomof2) March 7, 2020
3. You’re really not helping.
Can we have a talk, please?
*pile of dishes in the sink*
*laundry hamper overflowing*
*toothpaste smeared across the sinks*
*toys scattered across the house*
Husband: *leaf-blowing the attic*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 17, 2019
4. Been a long time coming.
Who will empty it first?!?!
My husband and I have this rule that whoever opens the clean dishwasher has to unload it. It’s been full since 1995.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 7, 2019
5. Sure you were…
Sometimes you just have to say those kinds of things.
Husband: I emptied the toaster crumbs & cleaned the toaster.
Me: Aw!!! I was going to do that today!
— Lorie?? (@LorieGZ) March 24, 2018
6. Way to go!
You did it!
Me: Well, this calls for a celebration *cracks open beer*
Wife: …you took out the trash
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 10, 2018
7. She must be really busy…
Well, it seems like he’s buying it.
I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.
— ?ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ? (@3sunzzz) April 24, 2018
8. I don’t think so.
You need them to be IN THE ROOM.
If one spouse empties the dishwasher and the other spouse isn't around to hear it, did it really happen?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 6, 2020
9. Oh, sorry about that.
They sure seem polite.
[aliens invading our home]
Wife: TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, I JUST VACUUMED
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 12, 2019
10. Hahaha. Yup.
100% on point.
Female Astronaut: [on historic first all-female space walk]
Husband [texting from Earth]: hey where do we keep the dishwasher detergent
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2019
11. Take it outside.
This is totally reasonable.
Me: *just finished cleaning toilets*
Husband: can I pee in our bathroom?
Me: you can pee outside
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 4, 2020
12. A memoir…
It should be a bestseller.
Pretty sure my wife’s memoir would be called: “Oh my god, just take the extra 2 seconds and put it in the dishwasher.”
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) September 16, 2019
13. That’ll do it.
Your hair is everywhere.
If I ever want my husband to shave I just clean the bathroom.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2019
14. Isn’t this exciting?!?!
Sure it is…
Can’t wait for my wife to get home and see how clean the bathtub is! Not sure why people told me my 30s would be boring.
— lucy bexley ?? (@bexley_lucy) September 13, 2020
Now we want to hear from you!
Tell us about the cleaning wars that go on in your house between you and your spouse.
Give us all the dirt! See what I did there…?