If you were a young girl in 1991, chances are you played Milton Bradley’s Electronic Dream Phone, a board game that for many served as an introduction to the thrilling world of dating.
The way the game worked was simple. The game included 24 boyfriend “candidates,” and one of them has a crush on you. Instead of just telling you outright, which would be insane, this boy has kept his identity a mystery. To play the game, you draw a boy card from the deck with a phone number on it, call him, and he gives you a clue about your secret admirer. Eventually you figure out who your dream boyfriend is, and the game ends.
Congratulations, teen girls! You are now prepared for the deception and subterfuge that is dating.
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Even though it was a board game about a telephone, the real stars of Electronic Dream Phone were all the cool boys–or, more accurately, what a bunch of adult Milton Bradley game designers imagined a cool boy to be. That’s why today we’re taking a look at some of those imaginary boyfriends, and imagining how their lives turned out.
1. Jamal
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Jamal always seemed mature for his age, and that’s because he was actually a 28-year-old adult man posing as a high school student. He claimed to be an undercover police officer working a 21 Jump Street-style operation to infiltrate a music piracy ring, but the police department had no record of his employment. He continues to investigate the case from his room at a state mental institution.
2. Scott
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After high school, Scott moved to Los Angeles with dreams of making it big as a movie star. This past month he celebrated his 12th anniversary as a Starbucks barista.
3. Paul
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Despite being a notorious player in high school, Paul grew up to become a loving family man. He’s such a devoted husband and father that neither of his two families even know about each other!
4. Tyler
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The brainy Tyler was accepted to Harvard Medical School on a full scholarship. However, the pressure got to succeed finally got to be too much and he turned to drugs. Tyler now sells vape pens at strip clubs.
5. Spencer
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Always an outdoorsy type, Spencer now lives off the grid in an unincorporated part of rural Montana. He is currently writing a manifesto on the dangers of Wi-Fi signals, and is in a loving relationship with Bigfoot.
6. Jason
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Once the starting quarterback for his high school team, George now sells Segways near the airport. He is currently saving $5,000 for calf implants.
7. Dan & Bob
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Yep, the rumors were true! Dan and Bob are married and live in Aspen, Colorado where they operate a skiing school and breed Cavalier King Charles spaniels.
8. Tony
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If you needed to find Tony in high school, chances are he was on the beach. He was the quintessential “beach bum.” And if you need to find Tony today, he’s probably still at the beach because he lives there in a tent. Don’t cut class to surf, kids.
9. Dale
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Dale is a self-help guru and author who wrote the NY Times #1 bestseller The Power Of Yes, despite not knowing how to read.
10. Gary
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Never one for schoolwork, Gary managed to turn his love of paisley vests and secondhand smoke into a career as a professional billiards player. Unfortunately, he was embroiled in a doping scandal after it was discovered he had taken three No Doz instead of the usual two.
11. John
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A dapper dresser, John launched Suspendr, a service that delivers you a bespoke pair of suspenders every week. He now works at Old Navy.
12. Mike
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Mike overcame his natural aversion to human touch by becoming a massage therapist, and now he operates the world’s first “completely clothed massage parlor.” If you would like to book an appointment, please bring your own parka.
13. Phil
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Phil is a world-renowned model railroad builder who raised eyebrows in 2013 when he built an 8,000 sq. ft. replica of Grand Central Station, and then married it.
14. Wayne
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Wayne is a professional cornhole player. Last year he made $7 million and is engaged to movie star Rachel McAdams.
15. Dave
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Dave is still in high school after failing P.E. 17 years in a row.
h/t: Throwbacks