Even if you’ve never heard its name, you know the bullet bra: the iconic pointy cone bra Madonna wore in 1990. But they first showed up in the 1940s, and were explicitly meant to accentuate a woman’s figure. Bullet bras were a key part of the whole “Sweater Girl” look, popularized by midcentury movie stars like Lana Turner, Jayne Mansfield, and Jane Russell.
The other thing about bullet bras is (according to this brave reporter) they forced the wearer to stand up straight, at all times. Yeah, definitely not stiff or uncomfortable at all.
Anyway, if you’ve always wanted to feel like one of the male Mad Men characters, have a look at this gallery of bullet bras in action:
1. Dear god.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
2. Why do I feel like she knocks over lots of drinks at cocktail parties?
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
3. The sweater’s like, “I didn’t sign up for this!”
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
4. Always good to have a garment that comes around the corner way, way before you do.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
5. Don’t sit on a ledge! Your center of gravity is off!
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
6. Here’s an uncovered bullet bra. When you look at it, you will feel like you’re about to be poked in the eye.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
7. “‘Say, fella, can you help a girl out? The car is fine, I have the WORST lower back pain. Advil?”
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
8. Now she can type a letter without using her hands!
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
9. This particular bullet bra was known as “The Chest Shelf.”
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
10. If I had to wear a bullet bra AND lay on a pile of hay for hours, I’d be pissed too.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
11. This photo alone put a chiropractor’s kid through college.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
12. She can’t even see her own seat belt!
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
13. And as this family snapshot shows, bullet bras were a great way to make future generations uncomfortable.
Photo Credit: Awkward Family Photos
14. Betty brought the volleyball game to an abrupt end when her bra punctured the ball.
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
15. And finally, a woman whose face says, “HOW THE HELL IS THIS EVEN A THING?!”
Photo Credit: Vintag.es
h/t: Vintag.es