An oxymoron is a phrase that directly contradicts itself. There are many examples in our language. “Jumbo shrimp” is a common one. “Deafening silence” makes no sense when you think about it. I’m a fan of “small crowd,” because it just seems impossible.
But now there’s a new oxymoron to add to the list: “formal Crocs.” By definition, Crocs can’t be formal…right?! Everyone’s least favorite foam clog is maybe acceptable to wear for a day of water-related activities, like boating. But that’s it. If you showed up to a job interview wearing Crocs, you would rightfully be blacklisted from all future employment.
Crocs aren’t formalwear, but that hasn’t stopped an independent Croc designer from rolling out a pair of Crocs for perhaps the most formal occasion of all: weddings. That’s right, if you’re getting married, you can tie the knot while wearing some sweet, sequined Bridal Crocs.
Bridal Crocs aren’t actually an official Croc product. They’re made by independent Etsy seller Princess Pumps. Their main advantage over more traditional white high heeled bridal shoes is that Bridal Crocs are way more comfortable. If you’re not ready to invite Crocs into your official bridal outfit, they would still come in handy on the dance floor at the reception. These Bridal Crocs are handmade from real Crocs and they sell for $99.
If that’s a little tough on your wedding budget, and if you’re really set on getting married in Crocs, you can try this other Etsy option, which sells for $75.
These Crocs are sold by Angela Reese Studio, and they feature real Swarovski crystals. Like Princess Pumps, they emphasize how comfy the Bridal Crocs are compared with heels. Angela Reese Studio recommends buying them for your entire bridal party.
When Bridal Crocs first started to go viral recently they were met with the usual shock and horror on social media, but perhaps the most shocking part is that some folks love them.
— Allie (@alexandra_hoho) May 3, 2019
I WOULD LEAVE THE WEDDING AND TAKE MY GIFT WITH ME. https://t.co/oDENfjgGlg
— QX Roper-Sirvent (@quintensity) May 6, 2019
You forgot the wedding crocs. This is a masterpiece pic.twitter.com/3o4BtrTSm7
— ☆彡monegibebe☆彡 (@NaoyukiPiko) May 3, 2019
Bridal Crocs aren’t the first time someone has reimagined the shoe that Tim Gunn once described as a “plastic hoof.” Before there were Bridal Crocs, the Internet collectively flipped out over these official high heeled Crocs:
Luxury fashion brand Balenciaga still offers a pair of Croc-like platform sandals that retail for just $679.
All these Croc varieties are great, but you’re probably asking yourself, “But where would I keep my Tic Tacs?” Lucky for you, Crocs recently came out with a version that includes little fanny packs on the heels:
Or maybe you want to enjoy the comfort and breathability of a pair of Crocs without participating, while also displaying your non-comformist attitude? Then you need these goth-themed Crocs, which are available on Etsy.
Ever want to feel the grass on your feet while still wearing Crocs? Get some of these limited-edition turf Crocs from Chinatown Market:
Or what if you wanted to combine Crocs with another widely reviled footwear brand? Then friend, you need a pair of Cruggs: the Crocs-Uggs hybrids with inserts for your toes.
With so many varieties, it’s clear that Crocs are way more than just breathable, waterproof leisure shoes. They are all things to all people. They can be anything you want them to be. And in our ever-changing world, isn’t it nice to know that something will always be there for you?
And that’s why I’m starting the world’s first religion that will worship the Croc. All hail the all-knowing Croc!
h/t: LAD Bible