Ahhhhh, marital bliss.
It’s real and you know that it is thriving during this extended lockdown, right?
It’s been nothing but romance, dinners by candlelight, and snuggling til the cows come home…
Yeah, right…
Let’s get serious for a minute. I think it’s safe to assume that a lot of people are going a little nuts right about now because THERE IS NO ESCAPE from anyone…especially your spouse.
So go hide in your closet or in the bathroom and enjoy these funny marriage tweets in private so you can laugh…and then cry…
Enjoy, friends…
1. I don’t know what I’m talking about.
Isn’t that obvious by now?
The worst part of working from home is having my wife hear all the work jargon I use. I told someone I'd be "out of pocket this afternoon." She asked me what that meant and I told her I literally have no idea.
— Skoog (@Skoog) July 9, 2020
2. Funny how that works…
Don’t fight it. Just go with it.
My wife can remember what I said on November 18 2013, but can't remember the Netflix password she changed last week.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) July 13, 2020
3. You just killed the mood.
But that was a nice effort.
You know you’re a parent when after sex, the wife looks over and informs you that Buzz Lightyear just got the show of his lifetime.
— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) July 12, 2020
4. This is a very good observation.
You need to take the lead on this.
It doesn’t matter how long I’m married I’m still pissed that hotels don’t have fans in the bathrooms to cover up the potty business going on.
— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) July 13, 2020
5. That’s not a workout?
You could’ve fooled me.
me: just finished working out
wife: stop calling eating chicken wings as fast as you can a workout.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 11, 2020
6. That’s pretty impressive!
She’s on top of her game.
My wife won an argument with four sighs, two eyerolls and zero words.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) July 13, 2020
7. You are…in a way…
Just kidding…was that over the line?
My wife had me install a super bright motion-sensing flood light and now it looks like I’m trying to escape a prison when I walk outside at night.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 12, 2020
8. You have to let him know.
Over and over and over again.
They say communication is important in a marriage so I just sent my husband 6 consecutive texts explaining why I’m right.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 8, 2020
9. Isn’t that fun???
What’s the point, really?
I love that cute married thing we do where I put too many throw pillows on the bed every morning & my husband chucks them off the bed every night.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 18, 2020
10. Whew! I was worried for a minute.
We live in strange times.
Just found a black thong tucked inside my bedsheets that I knew didn’t belong to me so I called my husband over to ask wth that is. So anyway funny story… turns out a thong looks a lot like a face mask.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 17, 2020
11. Just like Jesus!
Oh, wait a second…never mind…
My wife walks on water. But only because I tried to fix the plumbing again.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 12, 2020
12. It’s over! You blew it!
Time to call your lawyer.
My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020
How’s it going in your household right now?
Is your spouse driving you up the wall? Or are you guys getting along?
Talk to us in the comments!
We look forward to hearing from you!