Wardrobe malfunctions are always humiliating. I’m a male so I don’t wear dresses (often), but the ladies definitely have it rough in this department.
1. Wind gust
Hah, I actually made this mistake last weekend! I didn’t check the weather before I left for an outdoor event, just peeked outside and saw blue skies and sun, and we’ve been switching between 70 and 40 degrees all week so I thought, perfect day for a sun dress, right??? Wrong. It was 60 degrees and windy as crap.
The entire walk there I’m trying to hold down my dress to keep from showing cheeks. Right before I walk in, a HUGE gust blows my dress up so high, it covers my eyes. I freak out, trying to pull it down but can’t find the skirt edge in my panic. I end up pulling my top down, exposing my breasts instead. So yeah, good times.
2. The dreaded stairs
I had to walk up this flight of stairs… the problem was that the architect designed the stairs so that in an effort to be stylistic, the panel between each step was a clear plastic-like material. People could also walk under the stair case. No elevator in sight. I am positive the architect was a man who didn’t normally have to think of these things.
3. Hands and knees
Many times at work I’ve had to get on my hands and knees under a desk to plug in machinery or sort out some cables on equipment. I’ve never paid attention to the fact that my butt is just sticking out and not 1 guy I work with ever mentioned it. Thankfully it was brought to my attention by a student working here and now I try to be a little bit more careful.
4. Massive tumble
One time in high school I was rushing down the stairwell trying to make it to my play practice after school and I took a massive tumble down the entire flight of stairs. I wasn’t hurt, mostly embarrassed, so I jumped up and tried to laugh it off. This huge dude walked over to check on me and he started brushing me off which I thought was weird.
Turns out my skirt had flown up over my waist and somehow tucked itself into my underwear during my fall and he was trying to pull it back down before too many people could catch a look at my bare butt.
Got on the back of a Harley when I was wearing a mini skirt. Had to hike it up to almost my waist to get my legs around it. It was quite a show when I got off the bike.
I went to a play with a friend and, during intermission, we got up to go use the bathroom. I was wearing a fairly short dress and heels, a combo I wasn’t really a master of quite yet. I took one step down the stairs in the auditorium and my ankle just kinda collapsed. I fell right on my butt and, halfway down, I realized I was wearing a dress. I slammed my knees together mid-fall, which meant I landed on the ground posed like an anime girl. But no one got a look at my goodies, so that’s a plus.
I was in a sew my own clothes phase, and the easiest thing to make is a skirt. Unfortunately, I had no idea that the weight of fabric is important so when I hopped out of the truck at a gas station a passing semi blew my skirt up. My ex brother in law called me breezy for a long time after that.
8. Not a creep
I live in a busy east coast city, so talking to strangers isn’t common. It was a sunny but windy day, and a giant man started walking quickly towards me while yelling “Miss! Miss! Over here!”
I pretended I didn’t hear him and kept walking. Very soon after he was standing very closely behind me, and tapped me on the shoulder. I was about to grab my mace when he said, “I’m so sorry this is probably really embarrassing for you but your skirt is caught and.. uh…”
I looked behind me and sure enough my skirt somehow caught itself on my handbag and my bare butt was available for the whole city to see.
I quickly fixed it thanked the man and he said before walking off awkwardly, “Yeah. I’m sorry. There was really no easy way to let you know without seeming like a creep.”
9. Don’t jump for joy
I was giving a presentation in a college class while wearing a loose skirt. At the end of the presentation, my professor told me I got an A on that part of the project, so I did a little jump for joy. My skirt floated up and I wasn’t wearing anything else underneath. Kinda embarrassing…
10. TSA incident
This is, unfortunately, one that happened to me less than 2 months ago. I was walking through the airport to catch a connecting flight, and I was going through the security check, when suddenly the TSA agent who had just looked at my passport called me back over to her. I was confused and wasn’t even sure she was addressing me.
I did walk back over to her, and she pointed out my situation: I was wearing a sundress that was made of 2 layers, an opaque layer of fabric and a sheer, see-through layer of fabric on top of that, and the opaque layer was tucked into my underwear, so I had been walking through the airport giving quite a view, for who-knows-how long.
Thank you, TSA agent, for being the first person in the hundreds I had passed to be brave enough to point out what obviously needed to be addressed.
11. Roller coasters=not a good idea…
Got on a roller coaster, wearing a low cut shirt, go up steep incline, come down, boob pops out (woops), having hard time getting it back in because of the restraints, desperately trying to shove it back in because I KNOW there will be a picture up ahead. Right before the camera I was able to cover up.
I’ve lost a lot of weight over the past year and a half. We’re talking in excess of 100 pounds. Unfortunately, I haven’t had the money to replace my entire wardrobe so some of my clothes are a bit loose.
So I’m making a delivery to a hospital lab, a couple of heavy boxes. In my way to the elevator I get bumped just hard enough to suck in my breath…and my pants hit the ground.
To this day everyone at that hospital calls me Commando.
13. Doing ‘The Worm’
When I was in fifth grade I was a really physically active kid. At my cousin’s wedding I was being a showoff and doing “the worm” on the dance floor. Except my entire dress gets pulled up above my waist and over my head, leaving my bare butt exposed. “Oh my God…” In desperate response, my mom tries to help. Damage is done.
14. Not a good look
For the first day of school, my dad (a professor) was getting ready to leave, when my mom gave him a pumpkin chocolate chip muffin. He quickly ate it on his way to class, and taught his class like he normally does. However, while driving, a chocolate chip fell off the muffin, and he ended up sitting on it. None of his students told him until after, but he had a sizable brown spot on the bottom of his pants.
15. Swimsuit problem
I used to have a really cute orange swimsuit top that was strapless. I was at the pool with my friends once and there’s all kinds of little kids swimming around with goggles. Well, for some dumb reason I decided to dive into the pool in my strapless swimming suit. I hit the water, and the top moved down to my hips and then right off my feet, and I was topless in a pool full of 8 year old children.
So I didn’t have goggles and tried to grab my top but I couldn’t see, so I was just like screw it, covered my nips with my arm and went to the surface. First thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a boy in goggles sitting on a noodle holding my top out to me.
16. American Hand Stand
I was bored at my grandmas house so I randomly decided to do a hand stand. The dress I was wearing was a too big and fell straight to the ground. In all the confusion I fell out of the dress and on to my butt. So I’m laying on my back in just my undies with my grand parents staring at me.
17. A whole week?
In middle school, I was on the swim team, where we had had to wear spandex-like swim suit. The thing about these swim suits is that chlorine can erode the fiber of these suit in the span of 2 months. After 4 months of wearing the same suit, I neglected the buy another suit because they are expensive. Also by this time, unbeknownst to me, my butt was completely showing through the suit. The entire swim team was about to look at my butt for at least a week until someone told me.
18. The climb
As a prank/gift for a coworker who was expecting a baby, we built a wall of diapers across the front of his cubicle. I was managing the project from the inside, shoring up the structure with cardboard and tape.
We finished, and I was surrounded by walls, a 5-foot-high bookshelf and the diaper wall that could not be touched. “No problem, I’ll just climb over the bookshelf,” I thought … and then realized I was wearing a skirt. Of course everyone in the office was gathered around to see how I’d get out. I refused to exit until they all walked away.
19. At least you were wearing a thong?
At my brothers wedding, I caught the bouquet and was hoisted up by cousin. Well, while he was lifting me up, my tight skirt rolled up the sides of my body revealing my green thong and bare butt to all the guests.
20. At the water park
I was at a water park in Tucson as a kid. A friend and I were waiting in line for one of the largest water slides in the park. As we were waiting, we hear uproarious laughter from up above. Puzzled, we just shrugged at each other. The laughter then started come down through the line toward us. As it approached us, I look down and realize that the back of my bathing suit was completely ripped open… Nearly dies of embarrassment.
21. And now a pool party
When I was a teenager, I went to my friend’s pool party.
My bathing suit top was a little large for me. I came up out of the water and realized I was standing next to my (male) friend in the pool, who was looking at me going, “Abbba-abba-addda-abbbba—”
“What?” I said.
This went on for a minute, until I realized that my top was down, and my drenched teenage bazingas were bouncing around gloriously for all to see. His poor mother, nearly faint due to the daunting task of curbing her teenage son’s hormones, helped me “fix” my bathing suit with a safety pin.
22. Don’t try to be Tarzan
Did a flying Tarzan-leap off of a platform with a rope swing (complete with George of the Jungle yell and loin cloth) as a crowd looked on. Never have I been so glad to be wearing underwear.
23. High drama
In high school I was part of a Shakespeare club where we would rehearse different parts of Shakespeare’s plays and then go to this Shakespeare festival where clubs from different schools would preform in front of an audience. I played Romeo and during one part of the scene I had to kneel down. I annihilated my khakis and had a 12 inch rip across the groin in front of this big audience of high schoolers. It wasn’t fun.
24. This is kind of his fault
I had never been so embarrassed in my life. I was at an ABC party (anything but clothes). I was wearing mostly duct tape but there was a cute girl wearing a sundress there (obviously breaking the rules of the party). I’m not sure how I did it but I convinced her to switch clothes with me. We snuck upstairs and started making out. I offered my duct tape suit but she said I had to dress first. I play along and put it on.
She was just about to put on my duct tape suit (I was in no rush) when my friend and owner of the house enters the room with lots of her fellow friends. That’s when they caught me wearing a dress along side a half naked woman. Not really sure if I’m proud of this moment or not.
25. Baggy jeans
I once was in a group project in school with all females except me. They decided on a skit and decided to genderflip the roles of the source we got inspiration from. So I had to wear a dress, paint my nails and stuff. In the middle I dropped my prop. That’s when my entire class learned I had a nice butt under the baggy jeans. I didn’t realize it until after the presentation. Gotta A.