20 Of The Creepiest Toys Ever Made

Have you ever slept in someone’s guest room that was filled with a doll collection? No, you haven’t, because it’s impossible to sleep while dozens of little porcelain monsters are staring at you.

There’s no way around it: some toys are creepy.

But the toys on this list go SO FAR BEYOND creepy, you won’t be able to get them out of your mind. Possibly for years.

There are some seriously disturbed individuals designing toys for our kids.

1. Shave The Baby

I have so many questions…Who would think this is fun for a kid? Do they want kids to play with razors??? And, just, the weird hair patterns? (Shins? Calves?? Butt crack????)

I wasn’t ready for this. I’m going back to bed.

2. Roadkill Cat

Well, at least it’s a creative way to tell the kids what happened to Fluffy.

3. Daddy Saddle

Coincidentally, “Daddy Saddle” is also the name of a great bar in San Francisco.

4. Giant Microbes’ Plush HPV

This is the official plush toy of Spring Break Lake Havasu.

5. A baby doll you can breastfeed.

Because breast feeding is such a blast. But this one is nothing compared to…

6. A baby that can have its own baby.

Not only is the baby doll itself pregnant, its OWN baby is pregnant as well. So, it’s basically a Russian nesting doll that will screw up your kid.

7. Funny Cage

This one seems more fun for the parents, TBH.

8.  Lovely Strait Jacket

Yeah yeah yeah, some of you are gonna look at this and think, “Isn’t that dangerous?” Yeah, that’s the point!

Sabbath rules.

9. Face Bank

This one teaches kids to be frugal. Because who’s gonna want to retrieve their money when it’s inside the mouth of a soul of the damned?

This company should also make refrigerators for people on diets.

10. Milky, The Marvelous Milking Cow

The kid on the left can’t even keep his eyes open for this horror.

11. Jar Jar Binks tongue pop

Reason #1,203,955 to hate the prequels.

12. Kaba Kick

Let me explain how Kaba Kick works. A kid puts the Kaba Kick gun up to their head and pulls the trigger. If nothing happens, they get points, but if the gun shoots a little pair of plastic feet at them, they lose.

It’s Russian Roulette for kids.

And I can’t top that, so let’s just move on to the next one.

13. This Batman squirt gun

I don’t see anything weird about this one.

14. An inflatable Titanic playset

I’ve always said, tragedies with thousands of fatalities make the best play sets.

15. The world’s worst Furby knockoff

This one’s for all the people who said, “I love my Furby, but I really wish it looked more like Harvey Keitel.”

16. God Jesus Robot

God Jesus Robot is a fortune telling robot, so it’s a Magic 8 Ball, but 8,000 times more confusing.

18. Little Miss No Name

Ages nope and up.

19. Cyclops Brain Car

Put the “strange” back in “I’m estranged from my kids because of how I raised them.”

20. And finally, Mr. Buttons

“I need to make money, fast. But all I have is some cloth, some buttons, and a barrel full of human teeth. Hmmmm.”

 

h/t: Twenty Two Words