We may be verging on summer, but it’s always a good time to appreciate some gloriously tacky sweaters. Originally featured in the 1985 book Wit Knits, which taught people how to knit sweaters and sweater vests with all sorts of objects, animals, and themes on them. They’re great, and even the kitschiest person you know would probably look at them and say, “Whoa, too much.”
If you ever knitted a sweater from Wit Knits, or received one as a gift, please please PLEASE let us know. With pictures, if possible.
1. Hands off the merchandise.
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
How much you wanna bet that cockatiel says things like, “I’M A FAILURE!”
2. One scoop, or two?
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
She screams for ice cream and because she hasn’t felt the touch of a lover in 12 years!
3. A Cat & Mouse Game
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
On the back of the sweater, you can see the cat ripping the mouse’s guts out!
4. Whoa!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
I think the horse is actively trying to escape that sweater.
5. Scottie
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Male camel toe is a serious problem, people. #solidarity
6. Ribbit
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
He’s a member of the world’s least scary street gang. Even the Jets and the Sharks laugh at them.
7. Toucan play at that game.
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
The sweaters come in a pair, but the sexual frustration is free.
8. Heavy metal
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
PHOTOGRAPHER: Just make it look like you’re playing the guitar.
MODEL: Playing a what? I’ve never heard of a–
PHOTOGRAPHER: [click]
9. Who wants a daiquiri?
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Wearing this sweater is a great way to say, “I am making the best of male menopause.”
10. She’s got it. Do you?
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Meaning “knitability.” Not worms. Why would you think I meant worms?
11. Piano Man
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
The official uniform of every 48-year-old music teacher who still lives with his parents.
12. The Artist
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Who said “sexy” and “painfully itchy” can’t go together?
13. Hello, Kitty
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
This sweater is for those of you who think a heavy gray smock is too sexy a garment.
14. Jazz Hands
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
This is how you dress if you’re volunteering as a dance teacher for a bunch of inner city kids in a 90’s movie.
15. It’s a hoot.
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
Is she, like, a Victoria’s Secret model who got sent to the wrong photoshoot?
16. It’s grrrrreat!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
The only it’s acceptable for an adult to wear a sweater like this is if they are a child trapped in a grown up’s body like in Big.
17. Anchors aweigh!
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
“Here, son, it’s a sweater that says ‘cabin boy.’ Because you’re also our employee.”
18. Choo Choo
Photo Credit: Messy Nessy Chic
This is the couple that nobody likes at the swingers’ party.
h/t: Messy Nessy Chic