Now that we live in the Age of the Smartphone, knowing the day of the week is just a click away. But it wasn’t always like that! Back in the day, people would buy a paper version of a calendar, with the whole year printed on it, and hang it on their wall. Pretty much everyone had a calendar.
But there was a pretty large subset of people enjoyed having a “sexy” calendar. Swimsuit models, or hunky firemen, or what have you. Because there’s no reason you can’t be titillated while also looking up what day it is, right?
And then within THAT group of “sexy calendar people,” there was another subset of people whose taste in sexy calendars was, shall we say, “alternative.”
Hey, I don’t judge. (Mostly.)
1. The Naked Clown Calendar
This calendar benefits Multiple Sclerosis and people who get turned on by the movie It.
2. Bad Zombie’s Gorgeous And Gory
There’s a zombie version of everything, so it follows that there’s a sexy zombie calendar.
3. Sexy Coffin Calendar
That’s the look of a woman who’s thinking, “Just a few more of these photoshoots and I can pay for grad school.”
4. Sexy X-Ray Calendar
I think they’re making fun of the concept of a sexy calendar, and for that, I applaud them.
5. Women Of Curling Calendar
Canada’s answer to the Swedish Bikini Team.
6. Men Of Mortuaries (Celebrating Life)
Who knew that working with formaldehyde in a windowless basement made you so tan and buff!
7. Pin-Ups For Ron Paul
I can see why these ladies are into Ron Paul. Who wouldn’t want the doctor/Congressman to whisper seductively about the gold standard while giving them a pap smear?
8. Dragon Age Man Calendar
If you’re not familiar, Dragon Age is a popular fantasy video game series, and this calendar features its hottest male characters in the buff. That people get turned on by video game characters is shocking, if you haven’t been on the Internet since 1994.
9. Women In Waders
Available at giftsforuncles.com
10. Irish Farmers
As a person of Irish descent, I can say that these two fellows are the closest thing our people have to beefcake.
11. Sexy Catholic Priests
Um, no. The craziest part is someone thought this was a good idea.
12. Hot Mormon Muffins: A Taste Of Motherhood
Aka the reason Mitt Romney had to sleep on the couch once.
13. The Playgrey Calendar
Like other calendars on this list, this one is for a good cause. Which is a relief.
14. Guns And Camo
Who goes hunting in a bikini? Just the tick issue alone makes that a bad idea.
15. The Naked Archaeologist Calendar
Photo Credit: Smosh
Wait ’til you see Miss November. She’s posing with a trowel. A Marshalltown trowel! Hot!
Not many of you will get that joke. Not many of you studied archaeology like I did. This one was for me.
16. And Finally, The Sexy Calendar Calendar
Only the sexiest calendars make the grade. Watch out for paper cuts, fellas!
(OK, this one isn’t real…yet!)