A scented candle is one of life’s great pleasures. They can make a soothing bath even more soothing. They can fill your house with all manner of delicious smells. And if you’re having someone over, they’re great for “setting the mood,” if you know what I mean. (The mood to play World of Warcraft.) No matter the situation, Yankee Candle has the perfect scented candle for it.

But what does a huge company like Yankee Candle do when they’ve mastered all the possible smells humans enjoy? Do they just keep cranking out sandalwood, potpourri, and lavender candles until the end of time? Hell and no. They invent NEW scents! Scents you didn’t even know existed!

Today we’re taking a look at the weirdest and most obscure scented candles from the Yankee Candle catalog. The candle B-sides, if you will. Enjoy.

1. “Angel’s Wings”

A candle that smells like something that has no smell, eh? Say what you want about Yankee Candle, but one thing is true: they got chrome-plated balls.

2. “Christmas at the Beach”

So they made a candle that smells like sunscreen, dead fish and Santa’s unwashed red suit?

3. “Cherries on Snow”

Isn’t this what killed President Zachary Taylor?

4. “Do Re Mi”

This can only smell like one thing: your sixth grade music teacher.

5. “Whiskers on Kittens”

Oh. They just took the song “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music and made candles out of it. OK.

7. “Warm Woolen Mittens”

This is the third (apparently uncredited) Sound of Music-inspired candle, and it may be the grossest. Do you know why those mittens are warm? Because a third grader has been sweating in them.

8. “Bundle Up”

These are getting more and more vague. What does “bundle up” smell like? Like a cold day when you would have to bundle up to go outside? Like bundling up itself? Like four kids huddled together for warmth, like it has on the label? This is the most I’ve ever thought about a candle before, and it doesn’t feel good.

9. “Beautiful Day”

Even vaguer! Yankee Candle is out of control, I tell you!

10. “Summer Wish”

 

I’m officially running for whatever political office would let me put a stop to this.

11. “Cream Colored Ponies”

 

I don’t care what color a pony is, I don’t want to smell it. And I definitely don’t want to bring that smell into my house via candle.

12. “Storm Watch”

Does it smell like lightning? That would be cool. This is what a candle designed by a Norwegian death metal band would be.

13. “Amber Moon”

I wouldn’t purchase a candle that smells like an “Amber Moon,” but I would purchase a candle that smells like professional wrestler Ember Moon.

14. “Turquoise Sky”

The message inside that bottle says, “For the love of god please stop making me come up with new candle scents.”

15. “North Pole”

If Santa brought me this, I would stop believing in him.

16. “Drift Away”

The perfect candle for when you’ve been lost at sea for months and need to eat a fellow castaway to survive.

 

h/t: Buzzfeed

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