Listen: if you’re broke as a joke, it’s okay. A lot of folks are these days.
I know one thing that might cheer you up. These tweets! That way you can laugh before you open your wallet and cry.
1. Riddle me this
adults really drilled “stop, drop & roll” into our heads but didn’t teach us how to balance a check book. i have never ONCE been on fire and i’ve been in debt for years. riddle me that
— Sativa Plath (@CAlien__) May 30, 2018
2. Me either
Money can't buy happiness—
but I probably wouldn't cry as much in a Porsche as I do in my station wagon.
— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) February 13, 2019
3. Don’t do that
Me: You know, one nice thing about being snowed in all weekend is we haven't had to spend any money.
Wife: (clicking add to cart) So nice.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 6, 2018
4. Gotta do it
[11-minute heavy sigh]
FINE i'll pay rent AGAIN this month, JESUS
— adrian crawford (@Crawf33) April 1, 2019
5. Hey o!
Me: I’m going to take you out and spend a bunch of money on you.
Me: *takes kid to orthodontist*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 13, 2018
6. Those were the days
My fondest childhood memory is thinking $20 is a lot of money
— Brock (@ChillBrock) April 29, 2019
7. Endless possibilities
would love for one second of my adult life to feel as amped as i did as a child knowing i had five bucks to spend at scholastic book fair
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) February 2, 2019
I'm at my most fake news when I tell my husband how much money I spent shopping.
— Darla (@ddsmidt) January 21, 2017
9. I’d like to give this a shot
I’m more than willing to test out that whole “money can’t buy happiness” thing.
— Stacey (@skittle624) January 4, 2019
10. That’s not bad
I have successfully hidden money from myself in my wallet so I wouldn’t spend it. I’m available for financial counseling.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) January 29, 2019
11. The rules
I see it
I like it
I want it
I can’t afford it so i DIY it & spend twice as much in supplies
— motherducker (@houseandhens) January 31, 2019
if money doesn't grow on trees please explain the price of avocados
— mink. (@minkpinkustink) February 23, 2019
13. A true story
mugger: gimme your money
me: don't have any
mugger: debit card
me: *crying* my account's empty
mugger: *nervously* shh
me: *sobbing* i barely afford my mortgage
me: my 3 boys eat me outta house and home
mugger: three boys?! shit lady lemme spot you some cash
— Eɾιɳҽɱ (@Mom_Overboard) February 19, 2019
14. Had to have it
I would like to think money won’t change me, but I found $5 in the pocket of my spring coat and immediately bought name brand aluminum foil.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 2, 2019
Me on pay day on my way to spend all of my money pic.twitter.com/0LnsF3msok
— Giuly (@Princessofwifi) March 12, 2019
Don’t be too hard on yourself, okay?