If you’re single and would prefer not to be, Valentine’s Day is pretty much the worst day ever, for reasons that should be obvious to everyone. But they say comedy comes from pain, and if that’s even close to true, these funny Tweets about being single will take some of the sting out of any V-Day-related anguish you might be feeling. Now you don’t have to feel so bad about all that shower crying you’ve been doing.
1. The hopeful romantic
9 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me. She said no both times.
— Peter Smithson (@P_Smithson) February 14, 2015
2. There’s nothing wrong with this!
My dogs are all “Girl, you are awesome. Why are you single?” And I’m all “Probably because I have conversations with my dogs, dudes.”
— Your Name Here ? (@notittryagain) January 1, 2018
3. The key to any relationship
Saw a couple holding hands while jogging and it made me hopeful that one day I will meet someone who will hate them with me.
— Robin McCauley Lynch (@RobinMcCauley) March 5, 2014
4. All you see is couples.
and I’m still single pic.twitter.com/TpcmnbU9Pg
— Angela Brisk (@AngelaBrisk) December 28, 2017
5. Lonely, party of one.
Valentine’s Day plan:
1. Breakfast in bed
2. Chocolates
3. Watch movie
4. Dinner for two.
5. Regret eating two dinners.
6. Cry alone.— pandamusk (@pandamusk) February 12, 2016
6. Why should anyone else be happy?
Can’t wait for Valentines Day. I’m gonna run into as many restaurants as I can shouting “Knew I’d find you here! You bastard” then run out.
— Ruthe Repeal Phoenix (@RuthePhoenix) January 24, 2015
7. That’s why they make love robots.
Sometimes I think ‘maybe I should go out and meet people’ and then I remember I don’t really like people or leaving my house. #whyimsingle
— Tammy Watson (@Tamashay) February 9, 2017
8. Fixed that for ya.
him: your single? why?
me: you’re*
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) May 3, 2015
9. Get him to the burn ward.
So I’m @ the bank waiting in line & the guy in front of me is spitting game to the teller, she’s laughing & he’s attractive so I can tell she’s digging it, he asks her if he can take her out and she says “with what? The whole $11.96 you got in your account?” SON, my chest ?
— B. (@Ticklemelili) January 26, 2018
10. Be happy with what you do have.
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I’ve got two night stands. Either side of my bed.
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) May 6, 2014
11. Even nature is against you.
‘You’re beautiful and I love you,” I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied “I just want to be friends.”
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) May 26, 2014
12. The compatibility test
normal people flirting: hey you’re cute we should go out sometime (;
me trying to flirt: so do you like bread
— what (@chanelpuke) November 9, 2013
13. By the numbers
— helena (@helenadonahue) August 20, 2017
14. At least you’ll always know where your partner is.
When you’re done with men pic.twitter.com/DYem9s6vET
— Vitor Forte (@VitorForte) July 1, 2017
15. And finally, Happy Valentine’s Day!
My Valentines day reservation is Done pic.twitter.com/fzaRz1hteX
— ماہم خان? (@Maaahyyy) January 27, 2018
h/t: Bored Panda