We’ve all done it: said the wrong thing at the wrong time. A waiter says “Enjoy your meal” and you say, “You too!” Asking someone when their baby is due, only to find out that they weren’t even pregnant. Telling everyone at a dinner party that you loved Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, unaware that the host’s father died in a tragic model train accident.
Awwwwwkwwwwwwward!
Really though, it’s nothing to get too worked up over. Literally nobody is capable of perfection all the time. The best thing to do is simply apologize if necessary, then laugh it off and move on. It’s really not that big a deal!
It might not be the worst thing in the world, but it still makes for a funny anecdote to tell your friends about later. Luckily for us, these 15 people were willing to share their most notorious foot-in-mouth incident, and we can all enjoy them, embarrassment-free!
1. Honesty is the worst policy.
“While fighting with an ex at one point I zoned out and she caught on and asked what I was even thinking about. Instead of lying, I told her, ‘How weird it would be to eat an orange like an apple?’ I was young and very dumb.” – Arch_Stanton88
2. Look on the bright side!
“I have never responded well to random uncomfortable news. Once when I was in college I was getting a haircut and asked how the stylist’s day was going. She said her day was going well but her dog died the night before. Without thinking I said ‘Think of all the money you’ll save on dog food.’ Instant regret. It’s one of those things that pops into my head randomly as I try to sleep at night.” – OriginsOfSymmetry
3. Got Milf?
“I told my then-future Mother-In-Law she was hot. My then-future SO overheard. I was just trying to make her feel good. It did not go well.” – JerkCircleton
4. That came out wrong.
“At one point I was having lunch with my then girlfriend. I asked if she wanted to say hi to her friend. She said she didn’t see her. I pointed to her and asked ‘Do you not recognise her bent over?’ To which she responded ‘Do you?'” – cmndrloki
5. Freudian slip?
“This was about 12 years ago. I was chatting with two female colleagues during lunch break. When the break was almost over, I wanted to ask ‘Shall we go back to work?’ Instead, for some reason I asked ‘Shall we go to bed?‘ My face instantly turned red. It was pretty awkward, but we all ended up laughing about it.” – Ganethos
6. Killing it.
“I went to a funeral last year for my coworkers father who had just passed away. I was standing there with a couple other people when someone accidentally bumped into me and quickly apologized, the first thing that came out of my mouth was, ‘What, are you trying to kill me?’” – irregulxr
7. But what about all your other flaws?
“An ex was explaining she was self-conscious about and it was slightly odd, and I intended to say something reassuring and comforting. What I actually did was ‘That’s strange, of all the things you could be self conscious about…’ Her face dropped and I realised immediately what I said and unsuccessfully tried to backtrack.” – phantastic_meh
8. Better to just say nothing.
“Co-worker’s 8.5 month pregnant wife was strolling into the office when my 19 year old mouth said ‘You’re almost as big as your husband.’ Thought nothing of it until an hour later when my co-worker and I had a chat about hormones.” – ih8hdmi
9. Sympathy weight.
“I once complimented a girl I know on her cute outfit and asked where she got it. She named a plus size store. For whatever stupid reason I replied, ‘Really? I need to gain a bunch of weight so I can shop there!’ I immediately realized what I had said, and we looked at each other for a moment, looked away, and sat in uncomfortable silence for the rest of class because I’m a jerk.” – phinnaeusmaximus
10. Moment of silence, moment of shame.
“When they once announced our librarian (horrible lady) had passed away over the PA, my brain faded and I accidentally said ‘Looks like she finally got our library to be quiet.’” – Calamity25
11. Read the room. Even if it’s a bathroom.
“At my friend’s wedding, which I was standing up in, I walk into the bathroom which has 1 or 2 more men in it than there are stalls and urinals for. My friend says ‘I guess I’ll use the handicap stall’ since it was unoccupied, but apparently he wasn’t sure that he should use it. Without missing a beat, I said ‘That’s okay, it works for mentally handicapped people too.’ It was at that point that I realized that it wasn’t my friend who said it, just some guy I didn’t know who was in his 40s or 50s (I was 24 at the time). Silence. I quickly go into the other stall which someone had just exited, pissed as fast as possible, and left without washing my hands so I would get out of there before the other guy left the handicap stall.” – PM_Literally_AnythinPM
12. The job hunt continues.
“‘I was in an interview and the CEO asked me, ‘So tell me a bit about your guilty pleasures. You drink? You smoke?’ I told him I enjoy a good drink and I am definitly pro-marijuana.
He then said ‘I meant cigars.’” – donutshopsss
13. Crashing and burning.
“I work in a hospital. I was taking a patient for an X-ray. The patient was in a wheelchair. Me: ‘I suck at steering these things, I’ll try not to drive you into a wall’ Patient had just spent six weeks in bed seriously injured after driving into a wall.” – ElCaminoInTheWest
14. Brightest tool in the shed.
“Once I was having an argument with my partner. She had a problem with me correcting her. She said, ‘I know I’m not the brightest tool in the shed but there’s no need to always correct me.’” I couldn’t stop myself. All I said was, ‘Sharpest.‘” – Random_Usernamed
NOTE: I just want to point out that this one had about 10 different grammatical errors before I fixed them. That is all.
15. That’s my daughter you’re talking about, buster.
“My father in law cracked a joke to embarass his wife about something they did in the bedroom the night before. I then cracked a similar joke about my wife and raised my hand for a high five. I did not receive the high five.” – Red-Rise
h/t: Bloomjoy Collective